The Official Writing Challenge
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10/25/07
Pretty cute!

The dialect was fun, but maybe a bit inconsistent--some paragraphs seemed to have none at all, and others were heavily dialect-icized.

I get a big kick out of the teens in the back of the church.
I enjoyed very much this delightful read. The descriptions put us laughin' and high-fivin' right ,in the back row with the teens.
10/29/07
Hilarious! I just loved this. It had just the right amount of character to it and was pretty well done. The descriptions were excellent, especially the ending and your title! ^_^
This is sooo funny and reminds me of the song "The Mississippi Squirrel Revival" of Pascagoula, Mississippi. Great job of story telling and keep it up!
10/30/07
Hehe This was great.

Just one little suggestion. The sentence "
It was pure, total chaos but it had two redeeming qualities:" breaks the mood a bit. You really don't need much re-wording to fix it. Try something like "It was pure chaos. And it led to a couple of things that no one was expecting. That's not too great either, really, but I can't think of anything better right now. :)

I loved this story. Although I must say, I felt a bit bad laughing. ;)
10/31/07
What a circus, um, I mean service! Loved every minute of it.
I read this several times before finally deciding to comment. I think writing humor is very challenging. I must always remember that if the person the "humorous" events are happening to is NOT finding humor in the situation, then it is not going to come across to the reader as all that funny.

Three things prevent me from finding this story exceptionally funny. One is the fact that Juney was "scared to death of water". This is a REAL fear for some and she should have been applauded ever accepting the idea of believer's baptism. The second is the over-use of obesity as being funny. Third is the fact that the teens were standing on the pews to get a better view of someone in distress; a sad comment on our society.

I'm sorry that this is a true story. I could see the humor being salvaged if the ending could be changed, i.e. Juney coming out of the water thanking the pastor for being able to teach her how to swim in just three minutes, when she had been trying to learn all of her life...

Good luck in future attempts.

I found this absolutely delightful. All I can say is that it's sure a good thing that the Lord loves us all-- no matter how we come to Him and even when we laugh at the humanity of others, as the teenagers in the back pews of this story did.

I don't believe that any Christian author on this site would deliberately and maliciously poke humor. Being a person who is both afraid of water myself and have my own hassles with the bathroom scale, I can still see the humor in this story.

The characterization in this story is magnificent. Great writing!
10/31/07
Sometimes humor happens right in front of our eyes, and you did a super job of giving us a peek (and of wishing we had been there to see it, too!). This character deserves a novel with her as major heroine. From Bar Maid to Baptismal Fount, I think every reader would like to get to know her better. She sounds like a genuine loveable star.
10/31/07
Laughed till I had tears in my eyes. Seems like it was told by a minister who watched. The writing was great, the wit was perfect, loved every word and character. I know a couple more true stories just like this one, too bad we can only tell one.
It is rare that a story causes me to laugh out loud--yours did. Bravo.

You have a talent. Please do not take up basketweaving. You still have some years of writing in you, granny.
10/31/07
Really good voice. I could see the whole thing unfolding -- slowly and painfully. I wanted to jump in and help, but I was too busy laughing. Cute story -- I love humor in the church.
11/01/07
Hilarious! I loved it and laughed out loud, which seldom happens when reading. And this: First of all, Juney was scared to death of water. Second of all, she was a mite short at 4 foot nine inches. And third of all, she weighed just shy of 225 pounds. is just the facts, not demeaning at all and never mentioned again. No offense here. Just laughing myself silly, as I can see this very thing happening and even see myself in this account. It could have been me! LOL
Loved this...great job and congratulation!
11/01/07
I thought the story was cute and not at all offensive as one of the other commenters (And you thought I was a harsh reviewer):) Good job, and I loved the title.
In the eye of the beholder is certainly true for me here. I don't think any other of your readers saw what I did. Your scrumptious story took me on a sojourn back into the Midford series I hated so to leave behind at the last episode. You are a great writer and this should become a book!
11/01/07
Congratulations on your highly commended. This is a great story.
11/01/07
Wonderful! -and I could relate to that fear of water thing.....
11/01/07
Don't sweat the small stuff, Mariane, (like negative comments); it's the Judges that count - and they liked it! Congratulations! I never cracked a smile at Marx Brothers or the Three Stooges either...but they made millions! Everybody has a different funny bone, Right? Kudos on your placement.
11/03/07
Delightful, Marianne. Congratulations, my friend!