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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: New Year (05/09/05)

TITLE: Absolutely Fabulous!
By Sally Hanan


The alarm clock shrilled through the air at 6am, and in Patrick’s dream he jumped involuntarily off the thirty foot cliff in shock.

Is this noise in my dream??

Struggling to regain consciousness before he hit the serrated rocks below, his one eyelid that was not squished into the pillow managed to force itself open wide enough to see what was going on.

Patrick’s retina began to send information to his thousands of cerebral neurons that his wife, Dorothy, was getting up!! His pupil enlarged in the darkness to zoom in on the clock in shock. Shifting his body quietly sideways until the other eyelid opened too, both waited in tandem to witness the astonishing scenario unfold.
On went the brand new size 16 sweats; back went the hair into the scrunchie. On went the motor of the walking machine; flip flap went the fat on the insides of Dorothy’s thighs. Dust flew abundantly in all directions.

True to Patrick’s inner predictions the gasping and wheezing began after approximately 1 minute, and it wasn’t from the inhalation of the dust clouds.

“One tenth of a mile! YES!” She turned the dial and limped to the shower. Patrick rolled over to warm up her side of the bed, certain that she would fall back into bed after her quest for success. His assumptions were proven wrong, but he didn’t realize it. He was asleep again, climbing back up the cliff face to Charlie’s angels (clad in black leather) and ready to do some serious damage to the chasing cows that had interrupted his (ahem) spy mission.


“Rise and shine!” Dorothy stood smiling behind a breakfast tray of food she had obviously taken quite some time over. Patrick eyed her suspiciously. She was wearing his favorite cleavage-revealing blouse, and had even put some make-up on. Eternity perfume wafted through the air.

“Where did my wife go?”

“Watch it!”

“Oh, there you are.” He dared not say another word to spoil whatever it was that was making her act so fabulously charming, and thus restrained himself from asking what the occasion was. He knew it wasn’t anyone’s birthday, and their anniversary wasn’t until the summer… sometime…. so he was safe there. She sat on the bed beside him rubbing his arm affectionately. He withheld the idea of a possible rendezvous in the bed later on. Some things were just too dangerous to assume.

“I’ve had my quiet time; I journaled, worshipped, even did some intercession! Then I missed your company so I decided to make you some breakfast.” Her suspect gooey beam returned. “I’m off to wake up the kids. You take your time, go back to sleep if you like. I’ll take care of everything.”

As she softly closed the door, peeking around it once more to send a seductive smile his way, he puzzled over why she hadn’t given him the usual ‘get ready for work’ countdown, and then it hit him.

New Year’s Day. NO WONDER!

Patrick Dunne swung his legs over the edge of the bed and rubbed his hands together in delighted anticipation. He planned on making the absolute most of the remaining few hours of heaven…. before his wife gave up on her new resolutions, and returned to normal.

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This article has been read 1331 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Corinne Smelker 05/16/05
Funny line about the cows - pity we didn't really find out any of Patrick's weaknesses, except perhaps for his outlandish dreams!
Helga Doermer05/17/05
: ) Ahh, yes . . . the reality of resolutions. At least someone knows how to enjoy those first few hours. : )
Maxx .05/19/05
You know, I was in that Charlie's Angels dream and I didn't see any other guys there.... hmmmm. This was funny! My favorite line was:

>>their anniversary wasn’t until the summer… sometime…. <<

You ladies and you young singles won't be able to relate... but I was bustin up!

Thanks for the laugh!
Joanne Malley05/20/05
Adorable! An entertaining read! :)
Lynda Lee Schab 05/20/05
I enjoyed every word of this piece! (even the sentence, "flip flap went the fat on the insides of Dorothy's thighs"! LOL - too funny!)
Great job!
Blessings, Lynda
Suzanne R05/20/05
My favourite line was the 'flip flap went the fat...' line too. What a fun piece! Thanks.
Val Clark05/21/05
Ah, what wonderfully fickle and frail people we are! Love the realistic redering of the bloke's insecurities
Debbie OConnor05/23/05
Ouch! Painfully funny! Great work, Sally. Congratulations on a well-deserved win. Woo hoo! :)
Lois Jennison Tribble05/23/05
Absolutely fabulous, Sally! Painfully honest humor with a laugh-out-loud punch. Well done! -- Lois
Amy Michelle Wiley 05/23/05
Hahaha! That was great!
vicki mccollum05/24/05
Sally, you did a great job with this. It was so entertaining! And very well told.