The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/26/07
Cute title!

Some of this reads more like "telling" than "showing", and I was a little confused by this line:

The whole group followed quietly behind. Pastor Ray and Pastor Doug walked with me out in the water until it was almost waist high. Who is the "me"? Is it Alice? The 1st person POV isn't used anywhere else in the piece.

I appreciated the main character's desire to be a witness to others on the beach--quite nice.
10/27/07
Like the title a lot, and the conversational tone. A nice telling.
10/30/07
There were some nice touches here: the seagull, the wet hugs, the panic. The story is marred by the odd misspelling and verbal confusion. I know what’s like: the moment my story has been written, I’m keen to submit it straightaway. But I have learned to do a thorough edit the following day so as to pick up any clangers