The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
09/13/07
Great job building the suspense.
Poor John! I suspected something like but only because of the topic. But when she whacked him with the gun that really threw me off. Surely you wouldn't allow something that awful to happen to the husband. but you did - and so you got me anyway!! Good job!
09/13/07
Good writing. I have to admit, it wasn't a big of a surprise that the intruder was the husband due to the humor that was woven into the tension. But it was still a good story no matter what. Well done.
This is really a cute story. For me it is. John may have a different tale. he he!
09/14/07
Poor John? Any husband who sneaks into town, breaks a window in the kitchen, and then tip-toes through the house without calling out that he's home early deserves a knock in the head! Funny and entertaining!
09/14/07
I kind of wondered too, but it still was very moving. This happened to my roomate in college, all her siblings drove home to surprise the parents and it did NOT work out how they thought!
You set up the suspense just right in the story, and it certainly fit the "surprise" category. Looks like John was the one who got the surprise!
Oh! You had me hanging on every word. You sure know how to build suspense. I think I held my breath through the whole story! So glad you softened the ending by not having her shoot her poor, clueless husband. This should be required reading for all newlywed husband's. I've read true news accounts akin to this. Perfect for 'surprised'.
09/17/07
I love the line "I hope the Lord hears quiet prayers."
Good suspense, nice subtle humor. I saw where it was going, but it was a good read anyway. Well done.
09/17/07
I really enjoyed this. I loved heaing her thoughts. :-)
Whew! What a relief. Serves him right, though! Not a good way to surprise your wife. Great job building the suspense. I really felt Laura's fear.
09/18/07
Ouch! -- on two counts. :) Great story, intense suspense. Well done!
09/18/07
I was reading for clues. I'm a slow and deliberate reader, so you did catch me on the address: Salem. Darn fine diversion!
09/19/07
As a mother I loved all the crazy things she thought about. This was surely surprising! Great writing!
09/19/07
P.S. I liked the title!
Great suspeseful writing, had me wondering the whole time and I enjoyed the amusing glimpse into Laura's mind.
Your descriptions are so vivid, I could see Laura sneaking through the house... loved her motherly thoughts.
09/20/07
Great story and deserving of placing! Thanks for the read, the lesson, and the humor in its midst... Congrats!
09/20/07
Good job! This was very entertaining. Congratulations. :)
09/20/07
Congratulations, Sue. It's always a delight to read your stories.
09/20/07
ooops, sorry Dub. Your entry and Sue's were right next to each other. Congratulations to you, dear Sir. Guess you can't claim 200th place this week, huh?
09/20/07
Good suspense, Dub. Early on I thought it might be the husband, but clever you kept adding more "clues" that made me think "no, the husband wouldn't do THAT!" Very fun reading and congratulations on getting your name up in lights. Thank you, again, for your most welcome comment on my entry, too. You are special!!! (Don'tcha love those exclamation points?)
09/20/07
This is truly written from a male point of view. Men are thinkers women are emotional, no way would she have hung up from talking to the 911 operator. Neither would her thoughts be so collected. Pray yes, protect the children yes, but to move down the stairs? No way! Next time ask your wife :).