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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Bold (emotionally) (08/30/07)

TITLE: Between You and Me
By Sheri Gordon
09/05/07


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“This is really good.” The concern in my husband’s eyes as he looked from the computer screen to me told me there were additional unspoken words needed to finish his sentence.

“But …?”

“But I’m not sure you’re ready to do this. And I’m not sure I’m ready for you to do this. You’re laying a lot of private stuff out here for the entire world to read. And remember, your story isn’t finished – it’s just beginning. We don’t know the ending.”

“I know the ending … it just hasn’t happened yet. But I know what God promised me. I know the words He spoke to me. Besides, it’s my story to tell … and I want to start telling it. And the entire world won’t be reading it – just a handful of people I don’t even know from the online writing group.”

For years I had been working through “issues” with a myriad of Christian counselors – all following the same script. Any physical or emotional abuse from your childhood? Nope. How about alcoholism, abandonment, blended family, ADHD (was that even around when I was growing up?), latchkey kid? Nada. What about your teenage/young adult years – drug use, drinking, cultic practices, promiscuous sex, abortion? Never, once (but I only held it so people would quit offering me drinks), don’t think so, definitely no and no.

Once it had been established that some of us still do grow up in healthy, Christian environments, the real work began. And it didn’t begin with a counselor; it began with God, and me.

This is between you and Me, daughter.

As it turns out, I do have some real “issues.” God began showing me in an oh-so-clear way that my button-upped Christian life was full of satanic influence. How can perfectionism be a sin? Aren’t we supposed to be perfect – like Christ is perfect? And of course it’s my job to make everyone happy; You told us to serve others, didn’t You? And why are You telling me I have nothing to fear; there’s plenty to fear in this world. I know, I know; fear comes from Satan, not from You. So are You saying that I’m demon possessed? What do You mean I have unconfessed sin, unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger? How can my emotional “issues” be causing my physical ailments? Am I supposed to believe that I am responsible for my sickness? That this is all my fault? That everything the doctors can’t diagnose or cure is somehow connected to my relationship with You?

This is between you and Me, daughter. I, and only I, will heal you – spiritually, emotionally, and physically. But you must trust Me. You will be ridiculed. Friends will abandon you. Satan’s demons will attack you. You will feel discouraged. You will want to quit. But if you trust Me, I promise to heal you, in all ways. And I will make a great witness of you. And you will go forth and share the word of My miraculous healing powers. You will share your – no our – story. Will you trust Me? Will you step out boldly in faith?


And so I begin to write my story. The story of an ugly spiritual war inside my head … inside my body.

As I slowly read the words on the computer screen, I realize my husband is right. I may be ready to start writing my story, but I'm not ready to share my story. Not yet.

I’m sorry, Lord. I just don’t have that kind of faith. But I promise I won’t let You down. I will be courageous enough to share our story … some day.


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This article has been read 835 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Dan Blankenship 09/06/07
Deep stuff...and of course, I am so curious now. Please let me know when you share the whole story. And even if that never happens, He knows...

:-)

May God bless.

Sincerely,
Dan Blankenship

Dee Yoder 09/06/07
Boy, do I know this feeling! When my sister and I started telling people we were praying for complete healing for my Dad, the medical profession especially looked at us like were were nuts! But, why not? God can and does heal, and He never said He wouldn't heal my Dad, so why not go ahead and trust that He will? What will we have lost except our worry, and our time in prayer? It takes courage to speak soemtimes, what we know God is capable of doing. And even more courage to say we totally believe He will do it for US! Your article shows a heart beginning to lean on the Lord's Promises, and just start the journey on His path. How exciting!
Janice Cartwright09/07/07
How do we obtain, maintain, that delicate balance between faith and works? "O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord." I hope this doesn't come off preachy but I had t share the place where I myself am so often driven.
Sherry Wendling09/11/07
Your well-crafted piece rings with authenticity and humility! Thanks so much for beginning the sharing of your story. Beauty for ashes...How well I recognize the deathly religiosity that can seed itself into the heart of a church-bred child! Bravo for pushing on toward His promise to you--which will surely be rewarded.
Susan Johnstone09/12/07
You have been bold already and I can sense the courage it has taken to express yourself. Have faith, you are on the right track. Lovely writing; well structured in your beginning and flow through to the end.
Patty Wysong09/12/07
You're right. There IS a time to be bold and a time to keep things close--until the time is right. Good job!