“This is really good.” The concern in my husband’s eyes as he looked from the computer screen to me told me there were additional unspoken words needed to finish his sentence.
“But I’m not sure you’re ready to do this. And I’m not sure I’m ready for you to do this. You’re laying a lot of private stuff out here for the entire world to read. And remember, your story isn’t finished – it’s just beginning. We don’t know the ending.”
“I know the ending … it just hasn’t happened yet. But I know what God promised me. I know the words He spoke to me. Besides, it’s my story to tell … and I want to start telling it. And the entire world won’t be reading it – just a handful of people I don’t even know from the online writing group.”
For years I had been working through “issues” with a myriad of Christian counselors – all following the same script. Any physical or emotional abuse from your childhood? Nope. How about alcoholism, abandonment, blended family, ADHD (was that even around when I was growing up?), latchkey kid? Nada. What about your teenage/young adult years – drug use, drinking, cultic practices, promiscuous sex, abortion? Never, once (but I only held it so people would quit offering me drinks), don’t think so, definitely no and no.
Once it had been established that some of us still do grow up in healthy, Christian environments, the real work began. And it didn’t begin with a counselor; it began with God, and me.
This is between you and Me, daughter.
As it turns out, I do have some real “issues.” God began showing me in an oh-so-clear way that my button-upped Christian life was full of satanic influence. How can perfectionism be a sin? Aren’t we supposed to be perfect – like Christ is perfect? And of course it’s my job to make everyone happy; You told us to serve others, didn’t You? And why are You telling me I have nothing to fear; there’s plenty to fear in this world. I know, I know; fear comes from Satan, not from You. So are You saying that I’m demon possessed? What do You mean I have unconfessed sin, unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, anger? How can my emotional “issues” be causing my physical ailments? Am I supposed to believe that I am responsible for my sickness? That this is all my fault? That everything the doctors can’t diagnose or cure is somehow connected to my relationship with You?
This is between you and Me, daughter. I, and only I, will heal you – spiritually, emotionally, and physically. But you must trust Me. You will be ridiculed. Friends will abandon you. Satan’s demons will attack you. You will feel discouraged. You will want to quit. But if you trust Me, I promise to heal you, in all ways. And I will make a great witness of you. And you will go forth and share the word of My miraculous healing powers. You will share your – no our – story. Will you trust Me? Will you step out boldly in faith?
And so I begin to write my story. The story of an ugly spiritual war inside my head … inside my body.
As I slowly read the words on the computer screen, I realize my husband is right. I may be ready to start writing my story, but I'm not ready to share my story. Not yet.
I’m sorry, Lord. I just don’t have that kind of faith. But I promise I won’t let You down. I will be courageous enough to share our story … some day.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.