The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 767 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
08/31/07
I can't imagine anything more terrifying for a child, and you did a superb job of portraying that.

I was a bit confused by her injuries--if she was unconscious and lying in a pool of blood after a prolonged beating, how were her injuries only superficial?

Glad that there's a whisper of hope of repentance in the father's heart at the end of your story. Good job.
09/01/07
You did a great job at showing the emotion and feelings of little Timmy. I especially like how you show him chastising himself for not reentering the house.

This is a fantastic piece.
09/03/07
Poor child. I hate to think of how often scenes like this one are repeated on a daily basis. I'm glad there is a glimmer of hope offered at the end in your story, also. Vivid descriptions!
This was so suspenseful that I was cowering under the porch with Timmy. You did a great job of portraying a terrible situation.
09/05/07
Great story. Kept my attention until the end.