The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/30/07
Oooh, shades of Hitchcock's "Rear Window"!

The fear was very palpable here--until the rather abrupt switch in POV in the last two paragraphs, which really threw me off.

Creepy fun in the last line. Thanks for writing this murder mystery.
08/31/07
A beautifully written story with a chilling ending. Wonderfully realistic dialogue--I could hear the two girls talking and picture in my own mind what Tonia had seen.

"Alright" should be "All right."

The personal name in the title drew me in--I'm always curious about the owners of those names in titles.

Great job!
09/02/07
...And? It's so unfinished! This reader needs an ending! Wants an ending, expects an ending, deserves an ending; but otherwise, the story is creative and suspenseful...but your reader is left empty of complete fulfillment. (Just MY opinion only, of course.)