The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/31/07
Lots of mystery and intrigue here....

I was puzzled by quite a bit, though--almost as if there was a back story I'm not aware of. I didn't understand her emotions in the first paragraph, for example, or exactly what the relationship is between her and Thomas...several other questions, including the lighthearted mood at the very end--isn't she still in danger?

Maybe this just needs to be a longer piece--your characters are very interesting and I'd definitely want to know more about them.
This is definitely fearful, with the suspense building and the mystery offered. If Thomas were identified in some way at the beginning, it would make the story clearer. I would definitely like to read more. It sounds like the beginning or the middle of a much longer story.
09/03/07
I would like to have more information, too, because the characters are really interesting and real. I'd like to know more about the MC and the other character. Good mystery getting started here!
09/03/07
Such obvious danger and they make with the jokes? Plus chasing a squirrel up a tree is a far-cry from stopping a knife thrower! Wow! Suspenseful, fearful and intriguing - but so light hearted in the end. But this author's mind is keen, writing is good, and enticement to read more is a Must! Good job!
09/03/07
Great descriptions and suspense!! Makes me wish for a higher word count. She's brave going home alone after that--even with Charlie there. *grin*
09/05/07
"I sense..." (lol) a much larger work at play here. There are some big unresolved story lines. But, well written, and very captivating.
09/05/07
I remember the beginning of this story — or at least the last episode. And if I remember correctly, I asked for more, and here it is. More to come too, I see. Good!