The Official Writing Challenge
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08/24/07
Up to the point of impact with the truck, you did well pulling me along with the story. The final segment, however, left me with unanswered questions, so it felt incomplete. Perhaps too big a story for the word limit?
08/24/07
Allegory for a sermon. Fairly well written. Thanks for sharing.
08/24/07
This one confuses me a lot--if Rick claims Jesus as Savior, why was he taken to hell? Maybe if in the first scenario, you had shown him with a secret sin...but he seems to be a sincere Christian, rejoicing in the salvation of two people in worship. Maybe I'm missing something...

FYI--"eminent" means "prominent"; I think you were looking for "imminent" which means "sure to happen soon."

Feel free to PM me and point out what I've missed--the writing here is very good.
A very interesting story and I wasn't expecting the twist at the end.
08/25/07
I guess I am also confused. If he's really accepting Christ, why is he going to hell? Perhaps there is an underlying story - the big sanctuary, the numbers, the bmw .. hmm, thoughful. Well done even though it left me confused.
I thought this was really chilling. Even if Rick was imperfect, which all of us are, it seemed to me that because he called upon the name of Jesus rather than pointing to his own good works that his heart was right. I can only guess that your intent is to draw an analogy to the "Lazarus and Dives" parable. The writing is superb but left the reader confused and perhaps that was your purpose. Surely those who miss out on eternal life are going to be greatly confused.
08/28/07
Wow! --an eternal "regret". How sad for someone to think they're right with God because of the good they do, then find out they've missed the mark. Good writing -- disturbing story.
08/28/07
I think if you wanted this story to be about one of those the Lord says use His Name but never knew Him, your opening paragraph needed to make this much more obvious. Perhaps have the MC totally obsessed with being successful and in building his own little empire, not carrying at all about the actual people in the church, and using Jesus' Name simply as a catchword to achieve his own ends. Also, I believe it is Jesus who sits on the judgment seat and separates the goats from the sheep. See Matthew.
08/29/07
Wow - like the others, I wasn't expecting that ending! Maybe a few hints - albeit subtle - of his state earlier would be helpful (or maybe I missed them!). This was very, very engaging.
It was hard for me to connect someone who rejoiced over soldiers added to God's army as the same person going to hell. Your descriptions were good. Was it your intention for the reader to be confused?
08/29/07
This is screaming for a higher word count. I was really confused as those who have stated above me. I think a little more insight into the main guy would have made this less confusing in the end. Good beginning story here though, you left me confused and wanting to know more.
08/29/07
Wow, what a time to talk about regrets. You certainly summed it up in this piece. Truly frightening, because it is so realistic and can really happen. Good job.