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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Confused (08/16/07)

TITLE: The Idiot's Guide
By Beth LaBuff


As dusk grew over Eagleton,
Jake wrangled with the traffic,
Weary of his function in
The business demographic.

At middle-age he pondered whether
Life might be much better
Distanced from the hoi polloi.
Then he received…THE LETTER.

With trepidation Jake unsealed
The business envelope
From the legal offices
Of Payne, McMann, and Shope.

The notice from within informed
That Uncle Will had passed.
He left Jake the Chevon* Ranch
And all that he’d amassed.

BUT …Jake must live on Chevon Ranch
Read the stipulation.
He must run and work the spread
To meet the annotation.

This could be my lucky break --
An exit from this rat-race.
Country life could be the thing
And Chevon Ranch -- the place.

To Jake’s befuddlement, the ranch
With locale so remote,
Didn’t come complete with cows,
But with a billy goat.

When life gives you lemons --
You make lemonade.
When gifted with a billy goat --
Life throws you a grenade.

From this responsibility
He would not abdicate.
He’d cast his heart, his soul, his lot
In Chevon Ranch estate.

He needed information -- fast
To keep this ranch afloat.
At the town’s library he found
“Idiot’s Guide to Goats”

Chapter Two -- Don’t Turn Your Back
Goats have been known to butt.
“BUTT” -- I’m SHOCKED they used that word
This book is filled with smut.

Chapter Seven -- Shearing Goats
Goats must be shaved and sheared.
I’m sure that’s probably because
The billy goats have beards.

Chapter Thirteen -- Breeding Goats
For this you need a nanny.
“A NANNY!” -- I don’t have a child.
That’s crazily uncanny!

Chapter Fifteen -- Raising Goats
…Then soon you’ll have a kid.
“A KID!” -- I’ve yet to find a wife.
Oy vey!…Heaven forbid!

Jake persevered and prospered.
He soon increased his flock.
Met a gal, then married her,
Shhh! There’s a NEW KID on the block.

*chevon -- goat meat.

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This article has been read 2601 times
Member Comments
Member Date
dub W08/24/07
Oh, wow, I loved it, laughed clear through it. Great rhyming and pace. Put this one in the puppy pen.
Lynda Schultz 08/24/07
Hilarious. Enjoyed this thoroughly.
Joy Faire Stewart08/24/07
This is very unique and entertaining. Love it!
Loralee Scott08/25/07
Absolutely hysterical! Bravo! Thank you for the laugh!
Janice Cartwright08/25/07
Really clever! Loved it!
Dee Yoder 08/26/07
Funny and clever. Thanks for a bright, humorous little break!
Joanne Sher 08/29/07
I love this! So much fun! I need to say that the first thing I thought of as I read this was "this is very Kenn Allanish." And that, as I'm sure you know, is quite a compliment.
Jacqueline Zerres08/30/07
I loved the unfolding of this story. It was fun to watch the progression.
Linda Watson Owen09/07/07
Beth, this is such a cute and delightful tale! LOL! It gave me quite a chuckle tonight as I'm enjoying some free time reading at my favorite place..FW. I'm going to be a regular in your comment boxes! Love this fun poem!...and I do so much appreciate your encouraging comments on my entries. You're a special blessing here at FW! Write on! ;-)
Sharlyn Guthrie09/19/07
Beth, Thanks to the lovely comment you left on my story this week, I came looking for something you had written. This is so hilarious! Your poetry is also very very good. I'm glad I found it.
Jan Ackerson 09/29/07
Beth, this is priceless! I plan to feature it in the Front Page Showcase for the week of October 8. Look for it on the FW home page.
LauraLee Shaw10/08/07
Oh, my goodness! I almost woke my kids up laughing out loud! This is SO FUNNY! It is a masterpiece.
Pat Guy 10/09/07
This is a priceless masterpiece! Congratulations for being showcased - this sooooo deserves it!
Joanne Sher 10/09/07
Oh, Beth - I've already told you how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE this piece - and who you remind me of ;) - but I'll say it again. This is FABULOUS MS. KA ;) SO glad you got the showcase!
Dixie Phillips10/09/07
This is a hoot! No "kid"ding... It would be a riot to hear it read aloud with expression. Maybe they could then end it with singing Bill Grogan's Goat. I love FaithWriters because they never let a "jewel" like this go unnoticed. Great job!
Catrina Bradley 10/09/07
Delightful! Such fun.
Linda Watson Owen10/11/07
Congratulations, Beth, on your Frontpage Showcase spot! You entertain us all with this witty and delightful poem!
Verna Cole Mitchell 10/13/07
How cleverly and delightfully written!
Julie Arduini10/03/08
So glad you shared this for Fiction Friday. I'm STILL smiling!
Betsy Markman10/03/08
This is a hoot! My favorite line was:

When life gives you lemons --
You make lemonade.
When gifted with a billy goat --
Life throws you a grenade.

I'm glad you posted this for "Friday Fiction," because I hadn't seen it before.

Fun stuff!
Patty Wysong10/06/08
ROFL!! What an absolute delight! I loooooove this!!