The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/09/07
I like the plot of this story, and the ending is great. You probably need a few more paragraph breaks, and spacing between paragraphs, would make it easier on the reader, but I enjoyed reading it nonetheless. You expressed the emotions of the mother and son well.
08/10/07
A good reminder of many important things — one of which being the importance of parent and grandparents telling their "stories" to the generations that follow. Good work.
I agree about the paragraph breaks. You need to start a new paragraph each time a different person speaks. Having said that, your story is a an absolutely wonderful one, teaching a good lesson about anger.
08/15/07
Well written and nice dialogue. I was confused by the switch in MC - was it the mom, the son, or the grandpa? Overall, a good story - reminds me of a few people I know who "used to be" angry.