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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Angry (08/02/07)

TITLE: Top Ten Ways to Never Become Angry
By Michelle Burkhardt


Top Ten Ways to Never Become Angry

10. Never have children.

Children are a gift from God, but the moment these precious little ones come into our lives, they will test our patience, sanity, and cause us to pull our hair out (if we have any).

9. Never drive out in public.

Your driving skills are perfect, but everyone else out there is horrible. The occupant in the red car in front of you never used his turn signal before slamming on his brakes. The white-haired granny with big black sunglasses decided that the speed limit should be 20 mph, even on highways. City driving is a sure way to become an expert at steering with one hand because the other hand stays on the horn.

8. Never get married.

You promised to love, honor, and respect your spouse; till death do you part. However, the mercury will blow out of the thermometer when your blood boils the first time you and your partner don’t see eye to eye.

7. Never own a pet.

Man’s best friend will cause you to flip out when he decides to mark his territory inside your house. Even felines will cause your eyes to cross with fury when they spray their scent on your lovely mattress.

6. Never go shopping on a Saturday.

Crowds, crowds, and crowds! We are all humans, created in the image of God, but put us all together inside a grocery store with big metal, pushing carts and watch how much we fall short of the glory of God. Plus, if a store is having a special sale, calm customers no longer exist for they transform into incensed, must-have-it savages.

5. Never buy a house.

If the fixer-upper you bought doesn’t drive you crazy, then, the monthly maintenance repairs will. The kitchen faucet broke last week, the air-conditioner stopped working on the hottest day of the year, and the roof is leaking…again.

4. Never play or watch a professional, amateur, or youth sport.

It doesn’t matter what sport or what age, the fans are crazy, the coaches are insane, and the referees are all wrong. There is no such thing as a friendly game, it is more like a “madden game.”

3. Never watch the news.

If all the announcements of war, murder, and political corruption don’t have you freaking out, then, the constant incorrect weather report will lead you to have your own type of heat wave.

2. Never answer the phone.

Even if you have caller ID, every once in awhile, you will answer the phone without looking. It may not be a telemarketer because your name is on the “no-call list,” but you can bet it is a charity call. There is no such thing as graciously saying, “No thank-you.” I think the solicitors are trained to annoy the potential givers to the point that the only way to get off the phone is to agree to donate.

1. Never go to work.

Who needs the money? If you are the boss, your employees will frustrate you because they show up late, they want to work less for more money, and they believe lunch breaks should be 2 hours long. Or if you are the employee your controlling, know-it-all boss will irritate you beyond human tolerance as he expects the company to be the only priority in your life.

I can promise that if you decides to forgo the above 10 items, then, you will never become angry. Your life will be full of peace and. . . . BOREDOM! So, what is one to do to alleviate anger? The perfect book of Proverbs is full of advice to help us mere mortals to deal with anger. “A gentle answer turns away wrath.”(Proverbs 15:1) is just one of the many scriptures that will help you deal with any irritating people that cross your path on a daily basis. Knowledge is power! By reading Proverbs, one will be able to handle the stresses of life. Therefore, the next time a person cuts in front of you in line, you can just smile and make extra space. Or the young driver in her new sports car, that her parents probably purchased, drives into your lane because she is paying more attention to her conversation on her cell phone; you can just lift your hand and. . . wave.

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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This article has been read 647 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Catrina Bradley 08/09/07
Very true! I was hoping you'd end like it you did - with a solution. :)
Lynda Schultz 08/10/07
No man is an island, but most of us have times when we'd like to at least be on one! However, life has a way of happening and we have to learn to deal with that. I like the way you wrapped all this up. Nice job.
Marilyn Schnepp 08/10/07
No family, no car, no pets, no house, no telephone, no shopping...you've hit it on the head; but what's life without these things? Very, very, good! Well done! Just take it to the Great Wise One of ancient days...Good Old Solomon. Great entry here! A fun read and NON-FICTION!
Verna Cole Mitchell 08/11/07
You have a great list and an even better conclusion. You might add: Never make a mistake.
christine bastow08/13/07
I really enjoyed reading this.
Well done.
Chris x
Kristen Hester08/15/07
This is too cute! I loved reading each "way" and your explanations. Great job.
Dee Yoder 08/23/07
What a humorous entry! And many of the annoyances you listed are sooo true. Really clever and fun to read article and I like the way you tied the scripture into the story.