The Official Writing Challenge
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08/09/07
Such a sad and shocking ending! This was well written.
08/09/07
Unless I'm mistaken, this is obviously fiction - and I'm glad; but it does have a very good message; "a soft word turneth away anger". ( "effect" instead of effort - but otherwise nicely written)...and talk about nagging?! Wow! (*.*)
Wow! Talk about shocking. I had no idea things would take such a turn. The wife's nagging was the perfect setup and diversion.

Just one suggestion - I think the last paragraph might have worked better as narrative rather than dialogue. I just don't see someone having such coherent thoughts during a gunman's raid.

But wow, way to go on this story. I'll definitely remember it for a long time. Good luck!
I really like how you showed the husband acting out his Christian faith. I could not help but think about what terrible memories the nagging wife would have of her last comments to her husband. This is really a sad, angry story.
08/10/07
A powerful but tragic way of demonstrating Christ's sacrificial love paying the ultimate price, even when we were in rebellion and in emnity against Him. Brilliant!
I can't think of the particular scripture that says this at the moment, but maybe that could be added as a footnote.
08/10/07
The ending was a bit abrupt and I think, unrealistic. I'd agree with some of the previous comments about reworking it. Before I got to the gunman part, I was sure this woman was suffering from PMS or symptoms of menopause — she sure sounded like it!
08/10/07
The first half of the story was really good - great dialogue from all characters, good descriptions of the background. But I found the ending, and the woman's reaction to it, very unrealistic. Needs more work here.
I didn't know what was happening with such an abrupt change. I did like her angry dialogue in the beginning.
08/13/07
Obviously the wrong person got shot in this story!

I liked it though. The ending? Well, considering the word count limit placed on us someitmes the endings just don't fit. Expanded and in "thought" would have been better, perhaps.

Gal. 5:22. God bless and keep writing.
08/13/07
I read this last night, & it has stayed with me. The beginning just sounds SO REAL!
08/17/07
I made the mistake of writing this article when I was very sick. When I re-read it later I could not believe the ending I put on it. At any rate, I've re-written the article with a more suitable ending. It is in my normal articles called 'Do Not Try To Change the Subject.' The link is
http://www.faithwriters.com/article-details.php?id=67379
Regards,
Peter Stone