The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/04/07
Unusual, but interesting. I thought maybe she would be solving a long ago murder. Wonder what the 3rd request was.
You had me hooked from the first sentence! I, too, would love to know more. Was she seeing her parents? Who were those people? I vote to give you 250 more words over the limit! ;-)
08/05/07
I loved the first 4/5ths or so of this...you masterfully set the place and the mood, and every word was gripping.

It was only toward the very end that I felt it faltered. I like the open ending, but I lost the mood. And here: The vaporous woman lied there ...unless she was telling fibs, I think you meant laid there.

Very well-written, and quite mysterious. I like it.
This is a good mystery story. I'd like to know more.
08/06/07
I vote for 250 more words, too! Boy, I love mysteries and this seems like a really good beginning for a great one. If you expand this, I'll HAVE to read it!
08/07/07
Very, very intense. Great job of setting the scene. I also would have loved some more words - hope you'll write them and point me that way. Great stuff.
08/07/07
WOW with capital letters! This gave me goosebumps. I was not expecting this ending and you thoroughly surprised me. What a great read, the detective in me wants to know what happens next if she tells anyone, what the 3rd request is and what happens next. This is a definite favorite of mine this week!
GREAT JOB! Wow is all I can say mainly. From starting off as a sad piece to turning this into a mystery for sure. I was relieved that the main character had left, without gun intote. Very good writing here! I like this alot!
You held my attention throughout. This would be great expanded. I'd like to know what happens next.
One small thing: you have "slowing" in the next to the last paragraph. Did you mean "slowly?" I read through it a couple of times and wasn't sure I got it. Nice work.
08/08/07
I agree...very mysterious indeed. The message was unclear to me, though. I'd love to know your thoughts behind it - it might make the meaning more clear. But overall, clear, concise writing. Definitely wanted to know more at the end.
08/08/07
Mysterious. A bit confusing. This piece left me wanting to know more.
Ohhh, I love suspense and mystery! This was great!
This is so intriquing. I, too, would like to know more. Very good writing.