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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Mothers (05/02/05)

TITLE: The visitor
By darlene hight


Gretchen opened her eyes to a squint.
“Heather, what are you doing?”

Seven year old, Heather beamed. “I made you breakfast in bed.”

Gretchen sat up slowly, “Oh honey! That is so nice of you!” Her head thumped with pain as she picked up the glass of orange juice and downed it in one long drink.
Realization hit, “Heather! Did you use the stove?”

The little girl hung her head. “I was very careful, Mommy.”

“Heather, you could have been hurt.”

“It’s Mothers’ day.” One tear dripped down her cheek.

Gretchen felt the guilt roll in. Mother’s day! You poor kid! You deserve a real mother instead of one who finds her answers to life seated at a bar stool

“It’s OK, Honey. This is really nice.”

The smile returned to Heather’s face. “I messed up a few of the eggs.”

“These are perfect.” Gretchen lied. The truth; She was keeping them down by sheer determination.

The doorbell rang. “I wonder who that could be.” Gretchen stumbled to the door. She was greeted by an attractive lady with short blonde hair wearing a nice fitting tee shirt and jeans. The visitor smiled warmly.

“Hi! I’ve been meaning to stop over and welcome you to the neighborhood.” Gretchen noticed that she was holding a pot of Tulips. “I know that you’re not so new to the neighborhood anymore, so how about Happy Mother’s day instead?”

“Thank you.” Gretchen answered self consciously. “I would invite you in but the house is really a mess.”

“Nonsense, I didn’t come to do a house inspection.” She smiled again.

Gretchen swung the door open and motioned her in as she scanned the unkempt room wishing that she could crawl under something and hide.
“I wanted to introduce myself so we could get to know each other. Who knows maybe we can be friends.” She smiled and added “My name is Pat. I see someone has been treated to breakfast this morning.”

“I made it myself.” Heather wore a smile from ear to ear.

Then without thinking, Gretchen said, “I’m afraid that I really don’t deserve the royal treatment. I’m not much of a mother.” Instantly, she wished that she could retract the words but it was too late.

“We don’t always get what we deserve. Your daughter gave you what she wanted to give. She obviously loves you.”

“That’s my point. Look at this place! Look at me!”

Gretchen looked down at her hands noticing for the first time that they were stained with something of a brownish red color.

“What is this on my hands?”

“What does it look like?” She sensed the question more than hearing an audible voice.

“It looks like blood.”

“Yes, you have not yet been washed.”

“Oh, I need to be washed.” Tears streamed down Gretchen’s face.

“I am sending someone who will tell you what needs to be done.”

“Mommy, wake up! I made you breakfast in bed.”

Gretchen sat up trying to sort things out. The doorbell rang.

“Hi my name is Pat. Welcome to the neighborhood. She smiled warmly and held up a pot of brightly colored tulips.

Gretchen swung open the door sensing that her life was about to change, Maybe for the better.

Romans 8:1-2 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

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This article has been read 1038 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Dixie Phillips05/09/05
Profound! Such creativity! Lots of great DYNAMICS throughout your story. Loved it!
Cheri Hardaway 05/13/05
This is such a neat story! I have goosebumps after reading it! That is the God we serve; One who not only delivers us, but makes sure we are prepared to receive His deliverance so we don't miss it! Great job! Cheri
Suzanne R05/14/05
Interesting concept - very good - the dream, the guilt etc. Thanks.
dub W05/15/05
This "Kincaid" syle works well in your essay. A strong message in tight form. Good job.