The Official Writing Challenge
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07/26/07
Excellent title! I love your characterizations of the disciples. You caught their individual personalities so well. Pete is my personal fave, probably because he is so much like myself! Nice work. Blessings, Cheri
07/26/07
This is a gem from the title to the Scripture at the end. I too loved the characterizations. Excellent work!
07/26/07
Liked the creative way you wove the messages in through some familiar (Bible) characters. Nicely done.
07/26/07
The descriptions of the characters are wonderful. I love the retelling of this Biblical passage. Well written!
Oh, I loved this modern retelling of the Bible. I wouldn't be surprised if they really felt like what you wrote.

I got a laugh out of the comments about the children: "And what about that time all those kids were around? I can’t believe how parents today have no control over their children. If I ever have kids, I’ll never let them act like that." You still hear that today! Famous last words.

Great job. (And the verse fit perfectly!)
Awesome job! Everything is pitch-perfect from beginning to end.
07/29/07
What a lot of fun. I especially liked the way you used the Message translation to reinforce the ending with a suitably edgy feel to it.
Minor quibble would be that it was too easy to guess what was going on from early on. Maybe you could have used Jim and Phil instead of James and Philip to keep the reader guessing for a little longer.
07/29/07
Clever title, clever approach, and the "Message" at the end really clinches it. Nicely done!
Very clever and creative. You had me going for a while!
07/30/07
Love the modern dialog on this not-so-modern story. I can picture this happening today. Perfect verse, and great characterization!
Great message. I've been guilty of trying to butt into the boss's plans myself. Never works out. I like the modern day tone of this. Good work.
This is a great retelling. I didn't catch on at once, but when I did, I said, "Oh yes, this is just right."
This is one of my favorite this week...love it! Excellent job capturing the personality of each character. Great message too!
I didn't even see where this was going until the Philip. Then I realized this had to be a bible story because all the names were fitting into place! love the creativity here, I like how you brought something like this into a new face that we could relate to. Making the story more real-good job.
08/01/07
Great work on getting inside the disciples' heads. I loved the descriptions and the dialog, and the Message verse at the end is awesome. Very creative. And the title is perfect. :)
About half-way through I "caught on" and began to nod my head at this well-told story pulled from the Bible and filled with honest, true emotions we all must feel from time to time. Great job!
08/01/07
I love the way you modernized this conversation and how you got into the heads of the disciples. And your title is super! Great job.
08/01/07
Awesome writing in this piece. Was a bit puzzled at the beginning, but you pulled me in and kept the story flowing.