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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Happy (07/12/07)

TITLE: Something More
By Loren T. Lowery
07/13/07


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Once upon a time, inside a small swell of land dotted with lush ferns, lived a warren of rabbits. One of the kits of this warren was Captain, a buck with a gray pelt and a swirl of black fur over his left eye that looked very much like the eye patch of a sea-fairing pirate.

But Cap, as he was called, had never seen the sea, in fact, because of happenstance; he only knew the outside world by a round window at one end of his room. A window that was far too high for him to look out and far too small to allow anything but light to pass through.

This window, however, meant a great deal to him; and, as he lay in bed, he would often count the moments until its light would march across the floor and move up to touch his pelt and warm his body. Its touch seemed to draw away his pain. Its warmth bringing comfort; and, during the dark hours of night, the thought of its return gladdening his heart.

Cap was, by nature, gentle and content, but once, his mother asked if there wasn’t something she could do to make his life happier.

He had answered by asking, “What lies beyond the window; that place were all the light comes from?”

His mother was an artist and smile crossed her face. “I can draw it for you,” she replied. And, working with chalk and pastels, easel and paper, she began to draw the outside world for her son.

Her lines were linear and had vanishing points to make things appear either near or far away. Her chalk covered the paper with beautiful subtle colors, and her artistic strokes soon brought life to the flat canvas.

With clever hand, she sketched trees, mountains and a path next to a river that ran down to a sparkling sea. At the end of the path, she drew a clipper ship and had it anchored off a sandy shore. She even drew a sun with yellow rays shooting out from its golden sphere.

Studying the drawing, Cap then asked about the lesser light of night and so his mother sketched another canvas just as beautiful, but in place of the sun, she painted a moon whose white iridescence glowed like a giant pearl in a black velvet sky.

She went on to tell her son about the seasons, spring, summer, winter and fall; and how each held its own beauty.

“Can you draw those, too?

Nodding, she drew pictures of the seasons as well, each with its own sun, each with its own moon each with its own unique splendor.

When finished, she had eight drawings, and hung them around his room. And, although he had never been outside to see the seasons, Cap somehow understood them in a way that told him they were true. The same way he knew that he also, was changing inside, like the seasons now hanging on his wall.

One particular night, not long after the pictures were drawn, a strange and miraculous thing happened. A dove appeared at Cap’s window. Silently, she flew in, perched beside his head, and softly cooed into his sleeping ear. “Cap, Follow me.”

Cap opened his eyes and for the first time since he could remember, he was free of pain. Like a true kit, he jumped from his bed and hopped across the floor to follow the phosphorescent trail of the dove who had called his name.

The dove led him to a doorway to the outside world. To his joy, the world was as beautiful as his mother had drawn, but the new colors appeared more vibrant and the linear lines had been replaced with true edges, depths he could not help but follow and a nearness he could not stop from touching.

The dove beckoned him to follow her down the path that led to the sea; and he ran, freer than he had ever dreamed until at the end of the path, on the sandy shore, he found an oarsman waiting in a white boat.

The dove flew off and the oarsman said, “This way.”

Cap looked out over the ocean to see a Light greater even the sun. He knew as he had known the truth about the changing season, what it was; and, what he must do. Joyously he jumped into the boat to be carried to a happiness his new heart could barely contain.


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This article has been read 879 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Virginia Gorg07/19/07
I must say I'm confused. Is this really about a rabbit or a person? It has a nice feel to it, but I must be pretty dense since I didn't get it.
Elizabeth Burton07/21/07
I love the bunnies! The only thing I was confused about was why Cap was in pain? Born paralyzed or something? I loved the image of him heading for death...and new life in the "outside" world. This made me think of Plato's "Allegory of the Cave," where the prisoners truly believe that the images they see on their wall are the real world...
Myrna Noyes07/21/07
I loved this story with its truly happy, indeed glorious, ending! :) It reminded me a bit of Reepicheep in C.S. Lewis's "Voyage of the Dawn Treader," when he set off in his little coracle across the Last Sea toward the End of the World and then beyond to Aslan's Country!

I think it would have been helpful to have a little statement at the beginning about why Cap was bed-ridden and in pain, having never seen the lush,ferny world outside his warren.

I took from this piece the truth that no matter what trials and privations we face in this life, there is a beautiful hope for the future! Excellent imagery and great writing! :)
Lynda Schultz 07/21/07
Whoa! What a delightful way to describe the happiness that awaits us in glory. Great writing.
Donna Howard07/23/07
I loved this story. Especially the ending. Well written with wonderful images. The only thing I wondered about was how he knew about heaven. Did his mother read him stories or paint pictures about that, too?
Marilyn Schnepp 07/24/07
()_()
(o.o)
(")(")

bunny wabbit...neat story.
Benjamin Graber07/25/07
This is such a sweet story. It is also a beautiful reminder that death is not the end, only a doorway into a world much happier than this...
Verna Cole Mitchell 07/25/07
This is a really wonderful fable. Your description is outstanding. It's true that in this life we can only imagine how beautiful heaven will be and how wonderful it will be to leave behind all our earthly limitations.
Sherrie Jackson07/25/07
This is just beautiful, plain and simple.

I'd love for you to take the suggestions and rework this, clarify it a bit, and then submit it somewhere new to great acclaim.

I must admit I don't know my animals - I thought Cap was a horse! :-P Beautiful, beautiful job, really exquisite.
Sara Harricharan 07/25/07
I think this is one of your best! There is something very deep here that makes you read and reread to make sure you've 'got it'. I loved your descriptions best of all, especially how Cap's mother painted her best and then the artistic terms. Excellent job! ^_^
Kristen Hester07/25/07
What a very sweet story. I would have liked to know why Cap couldn't see out his window. The image of him going to heaven was beautiful. Nice story.
Joanne Sher 07/26/07
This is absolutely gorgeous, tactile writing. Lovely.
Sara Harricharan 07/26/07
Congrats on your highly commended! ^_^
Elizabeth Baize 07/26/07
The flow and feel of your story is beautiful. As Joanne said, "tactile" is a perfect word for it. You made me feel like was watching the whole scene in real life. Congratulations!
Dee Yoder 07/26/07
Loren, congratulations! Your story is absolutely beautiful!
Myrna Noyes07/26/07
CONGRATULATIONS, Loren, on your "Highly Commended"!!!!!! :D You are a consistently excellent writer, and this piece was delightful!
Mo 07/26/07
Such a lovely story! I know Cap was a rabbit, but I kept thinking of him as a cat (following the sunshine?) I was also a bit confused that the Mother animal could paint; the animals seemed so Human! This would bring comfort to those losing a precious pet. Congrats on your H.C.!
Lisa Holloway07/26/07
Wonderful writing and original concept. Call me strange, but I thought everything made perfect sense. To me it seems that we are Cap, born with a yearning for God that is hampered by our own natures and the world around us. The mother drawing the pictures is like the things that help us to know a little about God and Heaven (like the Bible), although even then we "see through a glass darkly." But the yearning was true and the pictures near enough in concept to help him recognize the truth of what he saw at the end. If I'm totally off base, it won't be the first time, but that's what I saw and I really enjoyed the way you told it.
Amy Michelle Wiley 03/12/08
Beautiful story. The use of the word "hands" for the mother rabbit did cause some cognitive dissonance with me, but I think I understand why you used animals to tell the story. Lovely allegory.