The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/19/07
I must say I'm confused. Is this really about a rabbit or a person? It has a nice feel to it, but I must be pretty dense since I didn't get it.
I love the bunnies! The only thing I was confused about was why Cap was in pain? Born paralyzed or something? I loved the image of him heading for death...and new life in the "outside" world. This made me think of Plato's "Allegory of the Cave," where the prisoners truly believe that the images they see on their wall are the real world...
07/21/07
I loved this story with its truly happy, indeed glorious, ending! :) It reminded me a bit of Reepicheep in C.S. Lewis's "Voyage of the Dawn Treader," when he set off in his little coracle across the Last Sea toward the End of the World and then beyond to Aslan's Country!

I think it would have been helpful to have a little statement at the beginning about why Cap was bed-ridden and in pain, having never seen the lush,ferny world outside his warren.

I took from this piece the truth that no matter what trials and privations we face in this life, there is a beautiful hope for the future! Excellent imagery and great writing! :)
07/21/07
Whoa! What a delightful way to describe the happiness that awaits us in glory. Great writing.
07/23/07
I loved this story. Especially the ending. Well written with wonderful images. The only thing I wondered about was how he knew about heaven. Did his mother read him stories or paint pictures about that, too?
07/24/07
()_()
(o.o)
(")(")

bunny wabbit...neat story.
This is such a sweet story. It is also a beautiful reminder that death is not the end, only a doorway into a world much happier than this...
This is a really wonderful fable. Your description is outstanding. It's true that in this life we can only imagine how beautiful heaven will be and how wonderful it will be to leave behind all our earthly limitations.
This is just beautiful, plain and simple.

I'd love for you to take the suggestions and rework this, clarify it a bit, and then submit it somewhere new to great acclaim.

I must admit I don't know my animals - I thought Cap was a horse! :-P Beautiful, beautiful job, really exquisite.
07/25/07
I think this is one of your best! There is something very deep here that makes you read and reread to make sure you've 'got it'. I loved your descriptions best of all, especially how Cap's mother painted her best and then the artistic terms. Excellent job! ^_^
What a very sweet story. I would have liked to know why Cap couldn't see out his window. The image of him going to heaven was beautiful. Nice story.
07/26/07
This is absolutely gorgeous, tactile writing. Lovely.
07/26/07
Congrats on your highly commended! ^_^
The flow and feel of your story is beautiful. As Joanne said, "tactile" is a perfect word for it. You made me feel like was watching the whole scene in real life. Congratulations!
07/26/07
Loren, congratulations! Your story is absolutely beautiful!
07/26/07
CONGRATULATIONS, Loren, on your "Highly Commended"!!!!!! :D You are a consistently excellent writer, and this piece was delightful!
07/26/07
Such a lovely story! I know Cap was a rabbit, but I kept thinking of him as a cat (following the sunshine?) I was also a bit confused that the Mother animal could paint; the animals seemed so Human! This would bring comfort to those losing a precious pet. Congrats on your H.C.!
07/26/07
Wonderful writing and original concept. Call me strange, but I thought everything made perfect sense. To me it seems that we are Cap, born with a yearning for God that is hampered by our own natures and the world around us. The mother drawing the pictures is like the things that help us to know a little about God and Heaven (like the Bible), although even then we "see through a glass darkly." But the yearning was true and the pictures near enough in concept to help him recognize the truth of what he saw at the end. If I'm totally off base, it won't be the first time, but that's what I saw and I really enjoyed the way you told it.
Beautiful story. The use of the word "hands" for the mother rabbit did cause some cognitive dissonance with me, but I think I understand why you used animals to tell the story. Lovely allegory.