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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Confident (07/05/07)

TITLE: Perfect Planning
By Ruth Neilson


Hidden among the broad leaves of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, Lucifer waited. He was a patient being…this plan would be the final blow to God. He cackled, reaching out with one talon-covered finger and slowly stroked a piece of fruit.

He had studied the woman, the one that the first born of the human race called, Eve. She was curious about everything around her. Her small fingers would touch everything that would catch her eye. Lucifer knew that the brighter the object, the more likely she would be drawn to it.

The plan was perfect.

He did not have the power to create in this world, but he could manipulate things to fit his needs. The dull fruit began shimmer eerily. He laughed as the fruit descended lower just at eye level of the woman. This plan was shaping up wonderfully.

Lucifer shifted his appearance into one of a legged serpent that he had witnessed the woman cooing to just yesterday. He could hear the woman’s gentle footsteps through the lush garden.

“Adam. Where are you?” She called. Lucifer felt like laughing. They were playing one of their childish games while they tended to the garden.

With his serpentine tongue flipping in and out of his mouth, Lucifer crawled through the branches, just below the fruit.

“He’ssss not here,” He hissed.

The woman was startled; she might coo to the various serpents, but never expected any of them to respond.

“You aren’t suppose to be in that tree...” She began but Lucifer cut her off.

“Tell me, did God really sssssssay, 'You mussssssst not eat from any tree in the garden'?"

Eve frowned as she stepped closer to the tree. Lucifer hissed calmly as he withdrew deeper into the branches of the tree. She stopped short of touching a branch, as she began to speak. "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, 'you must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.'"

Lucifer smiled as his pink-forked-tongue flickered out of his mouth again. He could almost taste her curiosity grow with each heartbeat. "You will not ssssssssurely die, for God knowssssss that when you eat of it your eyessssss will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."

Just come a little closer, Woman. Lucifer thought, tightening his coils around the tree’s bark. She took another step closer and the fruit seemed to pulse in reaction to her presence.

This plan was so perfect.

He bobbed his head behind the fruit, maintaining eye contact with the woman. Her tanned hand reached up and grasped the fruit.

That’s it, now take a bite… Lucifer mentally encouraged. Victory was so close that he could almost taste it. The fruit was at her lips and with another moment hesitation, she took a bite.

The fruit’s juices trickled down her chin and Lucifer laughed.

His plan worked! Just like, he had planned. He could hear God call for Adam and the woman and their response. They were hiding from His perfect presence.

The separation between God and His creation was complete!

Blood sacrifices could remove the blotting stains for so long until something had to give. Lucifer bide his time. Carefully leading the chosen ones of God deeper into sin, deeper into a blinding religion, and waiting for the final show down between him and God’s son.

Lucifer knew he had won, once before. What could the God who could not die bring to the fight that required the ultimate sacrifice?

Lucifer smirked as he leaned back in his stone throne. Yes, the battle would be a good one. It was just a matter of time.

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This article has been read 686 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Beth LaBuff 07/13/07
Wow, you have shudderingly vivid descriptions of Lucifer. Very good writing with a unique perspective!!
Dee Yoder 07/13/07
Good thing we already know the end of the story! Very descriptive writing. Suspenseful, too, even though we know what happens next!
Joanne Sher 07/17/07
Very vivid - gave me goosebumps.
Jan Ackerson 07/17/07
Excellent approach to the topic! Creative and compelling--very well-written.
Kristen Hester07/18/07
Oh, this is very well written. Satan is a nasty little creature and you showed that very well. I am glad we know the end, as well.
Trevas Walker07/18/07
I liked your approach to the topic, and your entry was very well written. Your imagery is very vivid. Great Job!
Loren T. Lowery07/18/07
Colorful, descriptive writing that added a great flavor to your writing. And, looking at your title, and knowing how the story ultimately ends, this reader asks is there a false confidence in "Perfect Planning."? Nice job.
Patty Wysong07/18/07
This is so vivid it gave me the shivers!! wow.
Catrina Bradley 07/18/07
Whoa!! GREAT job, Ruth! Lucifer almost jumped off the page, you made him seem so real. That taloned finger stroking the apple... shiver

A creative take on the topic and a unique MC. One of my faves so far. Your talent shines with this entry. :)