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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Confident (07/05/07)

TITLE: The Confident Choice
By Kristi Sands


ďConfidentĒ has never been used to describe me. Timid, yes. Insecure, yes. But confident, no. Iíve inched close to it at times, even thought I could touch it, only to be instantly transported back to the land of self-doubt and continued hesitation. Failure always looms on the horizon in my mind. Imperfection prevents even the slightest consideration of competence. Iíve marked myself as lesser and fought ever since to make it not so. Sometimes I fight with vigor, others with weakness.

Recently the word, the concept, the characteristic of confidence has been at the forefront of my mind. A year and a half into a relationship with my boyfriend, he has mentioned its absence several times. His desire is for me to obtain it, live in it, and thrive in it. So my attempts increased. I tried to conjure confidence up. I found myself groveling for any shred of it I may have lurking. And I began to pretend. But fake confidence is no confidence at all. Fake confidence only thrust me further into the pit of insecurity, because deep down I knew it wasnít real. Soon I fell prey to the killer grip of jealousy Ė seeing other women who appeared to have what evaded me. To my dismay, I only discovered more and more distance between myself and this thing called confidence.

But this weekend a revelation came. He doesnít want my confidence to be in myself and my ability. He doesnít even want my confidence to be in him. My confidence comes from the knowledge of his choice. The choice he made to be with me. He chose me knowing my failings, knowing my strengths, knowing my heart. He chose me because he wanted to. He was not forced. He was not obligated. He was not stuck. He even had other options. He could have walked away. He could have selected another girl. He could have ruled me out. But He didnít. He said yes.

And Christ did too. (Now the confidence is flooding in!) Christ chose meÖ while I was still a sinner, while I was wandering away, while I was rejecting him. I may feel unworthy of His love, inadequate to serve Him, and incapable of ever achieving His likeness, but that doesnít rule me out of having a relationship with Him. Our relationship is not based on my ability; itís based on His choice. His choice allows me access to the Father. His choice allows me to come with confidence instead of fear. His choice allows me to serve with the capabilities that He provides not the ones I have on my own. His choice gives me competence. It gives me purpose. It gives me life.

His choice was me. And now my choice is confidence, a resting in the knowledge of His sweet love.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8 NIV)

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. (2 Corinthians 3:4-5 NIV)

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Member Comments
Member Date
Dee Yoder 07/13/07
Wonderful writing here. It's difficult sometimes, to not feel insecure when we know our own faults, oh, so well! But your story reminded me to think about the value Jesus placed on me BEFORE I was even born and even had a chance to fail or succeed. Thanks for sharing your thoughtful insights!
Beth LaBuff 07/15/07
I like the turn-around that starts with your third paragraph, then the line, "His choice was me. And now my choice is confidence, a resting in the knowledge of His sweet love." is so good. Thanks!
Joanne Sher 07/17/07
Compelling - and very wise words. A convicting read.
Elizabeth Baize07/18/07
Isn't that revelation freeing! Thanks for sharing this wonderful devotional.
Dianne Janak07/19/07
I love the way you grew in this short piece from self conciousness to God conciousness... and the revelation you had brought you so much joy! Great work.. Dianne
Patty Wysong07/19/07
I love this line: "His choice was me. And now my choice is confidence, a resting in the knowledge of His sweet love." Wow. Good stuff! :D