The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/12/07
WOW! The imagery you use is so powerful in this piece! I was going to choose a favorite to highlight, but there were too many! Your word choices and phrasing are very well-chosen and enable me to enter deeper into the atmosphere and emotion of the setting and the story. (I don't understand what a "chiasmic void" is, though! I'm thinking it might be related to the word "chasm"?) You have a sad, but victorious ending to this that is so inspiring! Good job! :)
This is a beautifully written touching story. You are, indeed, a master with words.
07/13/07
Sad story with a light of Hope at the end. This is an example of one of the toughest times to be confident in God, and your story portrayed those emotions well.
07/14/07
A moving story. One of the lies of the deceiver is that WE have to produce enough faith to move God to action. Our weakest faith is faith enough because His actions depend on His purposes, not on our production. One little thing that grabbed me: I think you meant "staunch" instead of "stench." Good work — and great message.
07/15/07
In my opinion, one of the best on this level. One tiny bobble: "quite" for "quiet" near the beginning. So much to love here, though, and the ending is powerful, powerful, powerful.
07/16/07
This is amazingly strong and vivid in every way. Simply a masterpiece. The best I've read so far.
07/17/07
WoW! The imagery is so vivid I felt it wrapped around my heart, sqeezing. wow!
07/17/07
Incredible. This is filled with powerful emotion written with skill.
Your writing is excellent! So many vivid scenes developed throughout, but I think the third paragraph was the wording that affected me the most. Deep, powerful, and meaningful!
07/18/07
Wow, this is a powerful piece. Thank you.
07/18/07
This brought tears to my eyes. Wonderful. This is an amazing piece. God bless.
This is so honest, so real and so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your heart. God bless you.
Loren, I don't remember reading any of your stories before - but this is fantastic! Such great descriptions, and such a powerfully moving story...
You have a wonderful way of describing a scene to evoke a character's emotions. One suggestion I would make, though, is to pick the key descriptions and edit it down a little so that the piece is less wordy overall. One great line at a key moment provides enough impact. Too much description distracts, in my opinion. But really, you have a wealth of wonderful phrases here and a very moving story. We just can't listen to even a word of the enemy's lies. Climb on the Rock right away and say NO in Jesus' Name.
07/18/07
You had me in the grip of your fabulous words from the first paragraph. Well done!!
Well written ... well received ... well deserved ... Congratulations on your win! Angel
Wow! This was amazing. Your powerful word choice really drew me into the story. Congratulations on your EC win!!
Blessings,
Elizabeth
Ooooh...that was wonderful. I especially loved the desription of the hospital bed. You nailed it. Chuck
07/19/07
What an amazing story. Congragulations on your win.
07/19/07
Congratulations on your 1st place -- definitely deserved. This story is gripping from the beginning. Incredible.
07/19/07
Loren, my friend, I say again that this is a first-rate, first place piece!! I am so excited for you to have won first in E.C. and first in Advanced!!!!! WOW, and double WOW!!!!!! :D You DO belong in Master's, for sure! Blessings as you continue to write!
07/20/07
Poetry! Pure poetry! And with such spiritual and emotional depth and poignancy.
Well chosen, judges!
Loren,

I am speechless (almost). Your story moved me beyond words. What a way you have with words. I applaud you! Congratulations!
10/05/07
Excellent writing! What more can I say?