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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Confident (07/05/07)

TITLE: Dumb As a Doornail I'm Not
By Marilyn Schnepp


Tell me, why does God's most intelligent Beings on planet Earth consistently put themselves down by always comparing themselves to inferiors - such as animals, minerals or vegetables?

For example, how many times do you hear the expression, "Sharp as a Tack, Sly like a fox, or Cool as a Cucumber?" And far be it for me to forget the masculine characteristics...such as, "Straight as an Arrow, Wise as an Owl, or Solid as a Rock."

We could go on indefinitely with classifications such as: Neat as a pin, Light as a feather, Strong as an ox, etc, etc, - but I'm sure you get the drift. We, the Superior, continually compare ourselves to the Inferior.

If you think that's strange, think about the logical aspect of the cliche' "Wise as an Owl". First, what does a large-eyed nocturnal bird with a rubber neck have to do with wisdom? And secondly, it only reminds us of the long legged, long beaked Stork Airline that delivers our Bundles-of-Joy to the hospital - but we pay the "delivery bill" to the doctor. Mankind owes the owl and stork an apology.

"Is this epistle of yours going anywhere?"
I think to myself as I do a word count. Whew...just made it, so the finale is coming right up

If we humans are so adept, skilled and proficient in classifying ourselves, how cometh this writer has spent four days trying to come up with an animal, mineral or vegetable to describe the word Confident? ie; Confident as a_________?

Yes, I know. I can see it's a blank. After many hours of searching the recesses of my mind, I realize that I'm not really confident of anything down here on planet earth. Not confident of the weather, the president, the landlord, a paycheck, or even tomorrow.

However, there is one exception; but because He is a Deity and a Supreme Being - He is therefore uncomparable.

After living on planet earth for 25,430 days, 8 hours and 22 minutes...I am confident that there is a God that makes the world go around, raises and sets the sun, moon and stars every 24/7, ditto the Morning and Evening Stars & Orion, and ditto the Four Seasons.

Not Once during the 675,728 hours and 22 minutes that I've lived on planet earth has God ever failed to keep His Universe spinning and turning in perfect order, or failed to hear a whispered prayer from a tiny little planet that has gone astray, lost it's way, killed His son, burned His Word, kicked Him out of Schools and Courts, and spit on His Commandments.

But I am confident in God's love for mankind, and for me; I'm almost as confident that some "Smart as a Whip" mathematician turned writer, will take the time and effort to add, multiply and divide this writer's allotted time on earth, just to expose some poor old writer's most closely kept secret... their date of birth.

But dumb as a doornail, I'm not. (*.*)

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This article has been read 1034 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 07/13/07
Oooh, I love this! It really appeals to the wordplay lover in me (I usually spend at least a day teaching similes like this every school year). You had a great "voice" that made this very pleasant to read.

A minor note: the "does" in the first sentence should be "do".

Your last bit is really the climax of the piece, and gives me goosebumps! Wonderful!
Joanne Sher 07/13/07
Oh, did I ever LOVE this! I can tell this piece was a joy to write, It certainly was to read. Love the end.
Lynda Schultz 07/13/07
You're as right as rain! Good work.
Amy Michelle Wiley 07/14/07
Hehehe, fun article!
dub W07/16/07
Interesting and fun. Thanks.
Seema Bagai 07/17/07
Creative piece. Thoughtful and well-written.
Michelle Burkhardt07/18/07
I'm still trying to figure out your age. Loved your story. Nice job.
Mariane Holbrook 07/19/07
Marilyn, so help me, I read this several days ago and was interrupted before I could leave a comment, but the first thing I thought after reading it was "I'll bet anything in this world that Marilyn wrote this. It sounds EXACTLY like her." I wish I had returned from my phone call and left a comment when I first read it because it really is good and it has your name all over it. I was sure whoever wrote it would be in the top 3 winning spots, place but the judges don't generally see the things we want them to see in our writings, anyway. This was a very good piece.
Marilyn Schnepp 07/25/07
Author's Note to Self: Got Dub's approval on this one...(*.*)