The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/12/07
Great imagery and use of alliteration...

...but I'm sorry to say that I didn't understand it. I enjoyed it for its poetic language, but I guess it was too deep for me?

Maybe some more closure in the third part, to tie in with the title. You're definitely a talented poet!
I don't know much about poetry so I can't offer much in the way of constructive thoughts, but I really enjoyed the imagery in the opening lines. Very stirring!
07/12/07
Interesting poetic form!
07/13/07
Beautiful images. Also not sure of what your goal was in this, but it is VERY visual. (Not a poet, though - probably me!)
07/13/07
What a wonderful vocabulary and range of imagery. A poetic mind. Most exciting!

Would love to see the poem reworked, when it has lived with you a little while.

Some focus on major themes and careful "tying in" of metaphors would give it clarity and strength of meaning.

Maybe two poems inside this one????
07/15/07
You do have a lot of amazing word pictures here. I think you have a talent using words.
07/18/07
To the genius, to those that hold a Masters Degree in anything profound, and to those that enjoy something they cannot understand - This was a Masterpiece of writing!! However, I must confess I'm none of the above.
So, I plan to read and re-read this until I can make enough sense out of it to write a decent critique. Be Patient, please, I shall return. Thanks.