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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Confident (07/05/07)

TITLE: When The Earth Is Without Shape
By iziegbe idemudia
07/05/07


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I
Rumblings on a dark starless sea
In the dark mist
The lit eye of an hidden cove

Winds with countless arms
Obeisanced at the taloned Feet
Part in life and death

Diamond sparkles flee from an emerging root
Distinct strands from the ashes
As an unbending will split all asunder

And it rained
The sea swollen, broke
Brown with life.

II
When the wheel is travailed
Wisdom wrought perforations in the watery mass
Knowledge kneads desires of the knotty mass

Seeds of the sands,
From the pervading waves
Uneven fingers that vie

How many lie caught
In swirling nebular clouds
Leaves wailing in the winds

Phantom solitude
Of ripped branches
Of surfing roots

Let that pall recede
For the searing eye of the soul
For the rumbling spring breath

Builders of mountains
Within lighted fury
From the grain divine
Dust that crumble before dust

III

How will I raise my voice unto You
Jewel of the blind night
That I will stand here and make flex of my tongue
O eternal praises of your endless Faces

My heart like green fronds
Lie pliant to your tread

Ancient Cave of the winds
Of the fertile black sea
Of the immortal fires
Stony Arms

That Knocked ashes off the dream
To you my fragile arms are raised
Soiled from the murk of the mire
Gory mire of the tender cleavage

When I closed the door
With thirsty hands
Your heart horned by my tears
Cleaved the wandering soul;

Weathered sculpture of raw veins,
And breath fumes from the ruins there of
Clay and brass of the mystery mess


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This article has been read 755 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 07/12/07
Great imagery and use of alliteration...

...but I'm sorry to say that I didn't understand it. I enjoyed it for its poetic language, but I guess it was too deep for me?

Maybe some more closure in the third part, to tie in with the title. You're definitely a talented poet!
Jennifer Klein07/12/07
I don't know much about poetry so I can't offer much in the way of constructive thoughts, but I really enjoyed the imagery in the opening lines. Very stirring!
Dee Yoder 07/12/07
Interesting poetic form!
Joanne Sher 07/13/07
Beautiful images. Also not sure of what your goal was in this, but it is VERY visual. (Not a poet, though - probably me!)
Judith Hope07/13/07
What a wonderful vocabulary and range of imagery. A poetic mind. Most exciting!

Would love to see the poem reworked, when it has lived with you a little while.

Some focus on major themes and careful "tying in" of metaphors would give it clarity and strength of meaning.

Maybe two poems inside this one????
Beth LaBuff 07/15/07
You do have a lot of amazing word pictures here. I think you have a talent using words.
Marilyn Schnepp 07/18/07
To the genius, to those that hold a Masters Degree in anything profound, and to those that enjoy something they cannot understand - This was a Masterpiece of writing!! However, I must confess I'm none of the above.
So, I plan to read and re-read this until I can make enough sense out of it to write a decent critique. Be Patient, please, I shall return. Thanks.