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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write something in the YOUNG ADULT or TEEN genre (06/07/07)

TITLE: An Unexpected Ending
By Bryan Coomes


The last light from the setting sun left the sky a deep violet with a tinge of rosy orange. Clouds that had slowly moved in from the coast smeared the sky
with their foreboding silhouettes, extinguishing the first few twinkling stars that dared to pierce through the waning light of this late summer’s day. Wafting through the air was the distinctive scent of a coming rain carried on the winds that had previously blown in a soft and inviting manner throughout the picturesque afternoon, but now had increased as if spurring the storm inland.

Gabriel wrapped his arm around Lana as she drew herself close to him, burying her head into his chest. The two had sat quietly for some time this last day that they would be spending together, trying to prolong the inevitable. The remnants of their afternoon picnic were strewn about the checkered blanket that they currently sat on, which overlooked a vast bay that the campgrounds butted up against. Their summer had come to an end and in the morning both would be on a different bus heading in an opposite direction.

Gabriel slowly ran his fingers through her hair as she wrapped her arms around his mid-section, clasping her hands tightly together. “I don’t want this to end,” Lana lamented. Squeezing him tighter she said, “Can’t we just stay here, in this moment, and not go home?”

“I would give anything for that to happen,” Gabriel replied then slowly lowered his head and gently pressed his lips against the crown of her head.

“You’re just not like any of the other guys I’ve met, especially here. There is something different about you…and I really like it,” Lana commented turning to face Gabriel.

“I never dreamed that I would meet anyone like you Lana,” he replied. “I just assumed it was going to be another boring summer here at camp, just like all the other ones my parents have forced me to come to. Now I so don’t want it to end.”

“What are we supposed to do Gabe,” Lana desperately asked. “We practically live worlds apart. I mean we could obviously write each other and probably talk on the phone now and again, but it’s just not the same,” she added, obviously frustrated.

“Well, I’m not going to let that stop me. I’m…”

Just then a meteor slammed into the both of them, instantly frying them into crispy bits.

I’d say the end of this story is “Well Done”.

The End :)

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This article has been read 697 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Leigh MacKelvey06/15/07
What! A meteor?!! Are you sure? What?!!

Okay, I'm off the floor now.
Yes, unexpected is right. Very interesting.
Trevas Walker06/15/07
Your ending made me laugh - the way you so nonchalantly stated it.. just then... An interesting ending indeed. Well written!
Marilyn Schnepp 06/16/07
Ouch! I really don't know what to say. "A bit out in left field," I might say IF I were a teen..." might give me nightmares" - but thanks for sharing your unique talent of 'surprise endings'.
Julie Arduini06/18/07
Hey, you warned us with the title, I loved it. I can see a teen totally impressed. "well done!"
Dee Yoder 06/19/07
Ohh, you're too clever! I didn't even think the title had a warning in it...fun! Teens like quirky things and this qualifies!
Jan Ackerson 06/20/07
I LOVE this!

Please give it a different title, though. Make the title all mushy-schmushy, so that it doesn't telegraph your AWESOME ending.

With your permission, I'd like to use this in my high school classes to illustrate some literary elements--particularly surprise but a few others as well. Again, this is WONDERFUL for teens.
Misti Chancellor06/20/07
Hmmm... let me guess, the 1% of the story that guys like is the ending? :D I have to admit, it made me laugh. Nice curveball (or was that a meteor) you threw at us. I like it!
Brenda Welc06/20/07
All I can say is WOW! Not what I expected after reading the first part, which by the way I am impressed with your abilty to "paint a picture" with your words, even my 13 year old daughter was impressed! Great job--what a jolt!
Kristen Hester06/20/07
Congratulations. You have done what very few stories do--you made me laugh out loud. I think it is perfect for teen boys and girls. They'd have so much fun reading it together. The girls would be all "Ohhh. No fair." and the boys would be all, "Cool!" Great job!
Benjamin Graber06/20/07
Yep, an unexpected ending... :-)
Now why couldn't you just give us romance lovers a happy ending? ;-)
But I have to confess that the ending did make me laugh. Well done! :D
Sharlyn Guthrie06/20/07
Your story actually made me think about how abruptly things can end or change...even when you are expecting an ending of some type. Fascinating.
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/20/07
What a fun story! I bit hook, line, and sinker. I loved it.
Sara Harricharan 06/20/07
Okay. You nailed the TEEN genre. ROFL! This is just too funny. I hope it does good. After that surprise ending, well, I'm glad that at least it ended with both of them together. lol. You set this reader up just the way you wanted. Excellent job!