Eli: Good evening, and welcome to your local news. I'm Eli Higgins for Channel Five News. Tonight I have two guests joining me. They come from very different backgrounds, and yet their lives suddenly became intertwined Sunday during a historic event. Elijah , prophet of God, and Zelebub, prophet of Baal, come on out.
Elijah: What? There's a prophet of Baal left? I thought my men killed all of you!
Zelebub: Thanks for the warm welcome; and Eli, what are you doing, calling Elijah a prophet of God? Baal is god.
Eli (chuckling nervously): Um... normally my gusts greet everyone with a nice, warm "Hello!" We normally save the conflict for later.
Elijah: Sorry. That's just not how I operate.
Zelebub: Me neither.
Eli: In that case, let's cut right to the chase. As you all know, Sunday there was a great contest between Elijah's God and Baal. Each god's followers set up an altar and prayed to their respective gods to send fire for the sacrifice. Zelebub, I'd like to start with you. Obviously, Baal's response was less than spectacular. To what do you attribute Baal's lack of response?
Elijah: Probably the fact that he's not God.
Eli: Let's let Zelebub answer.
Zelebub: Well, it's quite obvious, really. Baal didn't want to lower himself to such a human display of power.
Elijah: Are you sure he wasn't sleeping? Maybe he was bored and enjoyed watching you make fools of yourselves. Or maybe he was on vacation.
Eli (Laughing and nudging Elijah): I've got it. He was taking a shower! He had to rid himself of all that filth he was watching! (Laughing hysterically) Oh, I'm sorry… (regains composure) I'm sorry.
Zelebub You should be. Baal will get you for that.
Eli: With what? I don't know…. Fire from the sky? (Eli begins to laugh uncontrollably again)
Elijah: Nah. He's going with the lightning bolts this time.
Eli: Oh, good one! Good one! Now on to you, Elijah. Why did you pour four large pitchers of water over the altar three times?
Elijah: To show that absolutely nothing but the power of the One True God could have lit that altar.
Eli: That truly was an amazing moment when that altar was set ablaze. Let's take a look at our exclusive altar cams. Here is the one for the prophets of Baal. You can hear them pleading for Baal to send fire. But our camera shows absolutely nothing.. (pause) Still nothing. (pause) Nope. Still nothing. Let's switch over to Elijah's altar now. You can hear Elijah giving a heartfelt prayer to his God. Now you can see a bright flash and then… WOAH! Nothing! The fire even consumed our altar cam. Luckily, we had our third camera placed a distance away from the altars to catch all the action. Let's watch. Elijah and his prophets are on the right. The prophets of Baal are on the left. We can see the column of fire shooting down onto Elijah's altar right now.
And then we have... Stunned silence. Absolutely everyone, Elijah and Baal's prophets alike, is simply staring at the sky. But pretty soon we will see the different reactions. Over here on the left, we can see Elijah and his prophets singing praises to the One True God. Over on Baal's side, we have… stunned silence. And now we have dancing over on Elijah's side. And a stunned silence on Baal's.
Now we see Elijah giving a command to his people, and see them running towards Baal's prophets. The suddenly realize what is happening, and start to flee in all directions. Oh, this is priceless.
Zelebub, I do have one more question for you. How did you escape?
Elijah: Yeah. How did you escape?
Zelebub (quietly): I'd rather not say.
Eli: Oh, come on.
Zelebub: Well, if you must know, if you watch the video, you'll notice one of the prophets of Baal fainted when the fire consumed Elijah's altar. That was me. They must have though I was already dead. I came to after everyone had fled, so I went home.
Eli (suppressing giggles): That certainly helps explain things. Just couldn’t stand that thought that maybe Baal wasn't all he was cracked up to be, huh? Well, we are just about out of time. But first, let's listen in to clips from tomorrow night's interview with Baal himself. Roll that footage. *crickets* Join us tomorrow for this fascinating interview. Until then, this is Eli Higgins signing off.
Taken from I Kings 18:20-40
This is meant to be a skit. "stage directions" are given in parenthesis.
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