The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/16/07
A very touching story from 'mother to daughter'; and a topic that should be opened up for those who are growing up into a world that is not all peaches and cream. Nicely done in this unique setting of daughter in a swing. Creative, Nicely done, and well written. Good job!
06/18/07
Great! I love the title, which leads us to expect a pretty-pretty story, and then you wallop us with a dose of raw reality. Teens will love this.
06/18/07
Liked the twist you brought into the idyllic opening scene. Great way to teach a lesson. Nicely done.
06/18/07
Engaging, excellently-presented lesson that all teens need to hear. You did a great job of giving us what we needed to hear in an engaging tale.
06/18/07
Very good! Every teen needs to read this story. I wasn't expecting the assault in the car and that's probably the way most assaults happen. Great writing.
06/20/07
What I liked best: the facts and the use of the facts in the assault story. You have something to say that is significant here. You used the information well and crafted it into scenes masterfully.
Analysis/Critique: the lack of quotes or italics in the opening and ending paragraph creates a confusion as to whether this is spoken or internal dialogue. If spoken, it creates other issues; if internal, it creates a secondary issue in a story so necessary to be told, read, and internalized for growth of readers not being an event of action (as the words weren’t spoken). So, I’m not sure of the effectiveness of the piece towards its goal. Also, in response to effectiveness towards creating action and knowledge of how to handle the event, I’d suggest going away from reality to a degree and having the victim get out of the car instead of allowing her assaulter to drive her home, and potentially having God help her find her way in the dark. That symbolism and action, I think, would greatly benefit the story.
My take: Regardless of issues, I can’t applaud you enough for taking on such a subject, and can recognize within the storytelling - a gifted writer.
06/20/07
My 13 year old daughter will be reading this for sure. Well done! Thanks for sharing your experience with readers.
What a great non-preachy way to address a very important subject. This really kept my attention. Nice!
That has to be a terrifying situation to be in, but it is a message that needs to be shared. Great job.
This was a creative way to tell a story and present important information at the same time. Well done.
06/20/07
Whoa. Amazingly deep. I didn't see that twist coming. I was sort of hoping it wasn't going in that direction, but it did and you handled it well. Good job.
06/21/07
How I wish this story had made it into "the book." It is one every young person should read. Do get this message out there, somehow, where the world of youth can read and understand the danger ready to prey on their innocence. I'm glad I came looking to thank you for your welcome comment on my entry. Your story goes in my "favorites," and I will be sharing it with my grandbabies! Thank you!
06/22/07
Good story, and your sensitive handling of this important topic is commendable. It did hold my interest, and to me it read like a narrative all the way through. :) SisJ
This is very well done. Great job handling a very important topic. I thought the use of the sort of internal dialog worked very well.
07/03/07
A sensitive way of treating a sensitive issue. A good example of narrative used to deliver an important warning. It certainly held my attention.
I wasn't sure what the deeper meaning of the title was... or maybe there isn't meant to be ? It's good stuff though.