Alisa was not happy. She was livid, and she had every right to be, “Get outta my face Charlene! I never wanna see you again!”
With that, she swished her long brown hair over an angry shoulder and flounced off leaving Charlene with tears threatening to break loose. “Alisa! Hold up a minute! I’m … sorry, I …”
But Charlene’s plea got lost in the rushed hallway.
Alisa didn’t care one bit about her friend right now. She was hurt more than ever! How could my very best friend in the whole world steal my boyfriend?
Thankfully, she got to her next class without seeing him. She sat down and covered her face pretending to rub her eyes. Everybody else was getting their books and supplies ready so she busied herself with doing the same … anything to keep busy and not think.
I can’t believe it. Jason kissed Charlene and Charlene let him – in ‘our’ special corner of the school. Now everybody’s looking at me and talking about it! How could she? Her throat ached, squeezing off a sob.
The rest of the day was like trying to swim through mud. She avoided Jason and everybody else too. She just wanted to get home to her room.
But as soon as she got on the bus, her cell phone started in – it was Charlene. No way! Then Jason. Creep! Charlene and Jason. She turned towards the window to hide the pain she was sure everybody could see on her face.
The house was quiet and empty when she got home – she tried to blink back the tears but it was no use. By the time she got to her room, the anguish of her heart came out in such pain her lungs hurt from the cries she tried to muffle in her pillow.
She loved Jason with all her heart. He and Charlene were all she had … and now it was all gone. She was all alone. Nothing will ever be the same again.
She lay on her bed too heavy with grief to move and watched the blades of her fan go around and around. She noticed the strobe effect of the shadows and allowed that old feeling to creep back up from the dark place where it lived … just waiting – always waiting, and always dependable. What a comfort to have it tucked away when she needed it most!
I’ll feel better if I eat something. No one’s home and it’ll be just like it used to be … before Jason.
She had been trying really hard not to … well, anyway, no one knew; and she missed that feeling … it was sooo worth it! It felt so good to fill that emptiness and then get rid of all that ugliness and pain … what a relief!
She went to the kitchen with the exhilaration of knowing what she would be experiencing soon.
As she pulled out her favorite snacks, her mind conjured up how she was going to prepare for this secret time in the bathroom – how she would burn candles … to fake-out her mom. I wonder where my gum is?
But there was something else deep inside – something that stirred uncomfortably in her chest and brought back a memory.
She tried to shake it off.
But the stirring was strong and drew her to the scrap of paper in her purse she kept ‘just in case.’
She wished she had never, ever seen it! She wished she had never, ever written it down!
She stood there trembling, shaking with indecision. Wavering. She wanted to eat! She wanted to purge!
She had to!
Just one then … I’ll take just one with me … well … and maybe these. She snatched the snacks and went to boot up the computer. Then she quickly retrieved her purse not giving herself any time to glance in the bathroom.
A mental STOP sign flashed through her head.
She sat down, opened her Twinkies and chips, took a bite and scrounged around for the piece of paper.
Her fingers hovered over the keys – she let out a breath. She typed the address – another bite. She started to read … she got up. She sat back down … she needed more snacks, but …
There was just something that kept her there at the website. Something touched her … someone cared and … she wasn’t alone.
Maybe … just maybe, no candles will be needed today.
Author’s note: Eating disorders come in many forms and can develop into other forms. There are four out of one hundred young women who struggle everyday.
The website Alisa checked out was: www.freedomfromed.com. It has many links to other websites that can also help.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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