The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/14/07
Ooh, I love this. It left me with chills.

Having gone through some similar issues with our oldest son, and now some emotional challenges with our 16-yr old, I believe you captured their feelings perfectly. Your story is what God has in His arsenal for me today. I needed to read this.

By the way -- it's also written very well. You had me interested from the first sentence.
06/16/07
A very atmospheric and moving piece with a nice touch of humour.
I notice that you have used a lot of short punchy sentences in the simple past tense – he stood … he pivoted … he dropped. This works well to convey a mood of hopelessness. But I felt that the last part of the story, from the phone call on, needed a lighter mood. Perhaps a different tense, maybe a more descriptive or reflective style of writing?
You get better and better! I loved this story. It was dark, but real, and so needed for teens and their families. Excellent job.
06/18/07
This is a personal favorite of mine. It's exceptionally dark, but yet in a way for you to understand the darkness and accept the hope. The short sentences are good, they add weight to this and make it more realistic. The ending wasn't as complete as I'd hoped. The last paragraph was good, but after going through all his feelings and then building up the drama with the phone call and the letter opener, it kind of stalled a bit. Otherwise, I can't help connecting so well to this. Excellent job, excellenting writing! This is a great way to end the quarter. ^_^
06/19/07
This is very good! Your ending was perfect and the character had me hoping he'd make a turn away from his intended action. Good story for teens.
06/20/07
Excellent story, great words choices, wonderful job establishing the setting. This is definitely a keeper.
Wow, powerful story. Dark, but the ending has the ray of hope that I really like in a more darkly themed story. Great job!
06/20/07
You gripped me--one of my favorites I have read today. I am glad God gave this to you write. Thanks for sharing your spirit with us. God Bless!
This is an awesome story--unforgettable.
Wow! This is deep! It gave me chills. I'm so glad it ended well.
Great job. Excellent story, well written. I enjoyed the read.
06/21/07
Julie! Way ta go! ***Congrats!***
06/21/07
CONGRATULATIONS on your third place in Advanced! It was a very good story with a strong message of hope and God's care for struggling teens! Great job! :)
06/28/07
Wonderful story. You captured the boy's emotions well.
07/05/07
Julie,

This was so awesome!!! I loved it! Fantastic job! Congratulations on third place!

Blessings,
Cheri