The Official Writing Challenge
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06/14/07
Wow. This gave me the chills. I believe you've captured the teen psyche perfectly. Although it is very sad, the reality of this situation would touch many teens. Great job with the young adult genre.
I doubt I will read another entry that will effect me like this one. The first person was so dramatic and the subject is the real deal.
You get right into the scene of the teanage world with your writing. Superb!
06/14/07
I, too, think you did a great job of getting inside the teenage head. This was real. The ending was real, too. Great job!
Sorry, there is no teanage world ... only a teenage one!
06/15/07
This is a moving story and sadly, so true for many young women. It fits the genre like a glove and has 2 distinct messages that girls, Christian and non-Christian, need.
06/15/07
Nicely done & thought provoking.
06/16/07
Really drew me in - I thought it first that it was going to be a modern 'cautionary tale', and it would have been great as that, but you turned it into something even better. I liked the hint - just a hint - of hope at the end. As always, masterful.
06/16/07
Powerful, and painful story. It begs a sequel. Good writing.
06/16/07
What an amazing job you did getting inside that girl's head. And your last line is so powerful and full of hope. I ached for her. Excellent.
Wow! You know how to tell it like it is, and I have a feeling most teenage girls would read this, since you don't mince words. Very powerful!
Wow! You know how to tell it like it is, and I have a feeling most teenage girls would read this, since you don't mince words. Very powerful!
06/18/07
Great opening. "Silence as a passenger" is awesome, as is "Blinded by unshed tears". Great escape into the "buzzing" noise, and best of all, best of all of it - was the ability to keep Rachel from directly doing anything more than her past (of which we have little information) and to say a couple normal words, and having them make so much difference. Nicely done!
This is an awesome teen story, excellently written. The decription is outstanding.
Painful but powerful... Oh, we need a savior! Thank God He's given us one... :-)
06/19/07
What an excellently written, powerfully told story! This addresses a perpetually relevant subject for teens, and does so in a non-preachy, sensitive manner. Your word choices, descriptions, and dialogue are perfect! I am very impressed! :)
06/19/07
Masterful writing! I felt sick with sorrow for her. Love the ending!
06/20/07
Brilliant writing Jan. It was very realistic.
Good article. We never know when a kindness is lifesaving.
This was so real, so well written. This really puts you there in the MC's mind. I'm so glad there's a hint of hope at the end. Great!
06/20/07
Excellent. I think this is one of your best. The first person POV is very powerful. I liked the ending with Rachel though. It's the spark of hope at the end of the afternoon. Your title tied in so well with the rest of the story, I wish there was more so I could see what happens when she's given a second chance.
06/20/07
Moving - touching - heartfelt! Powerful...Powerful writing!!!
Great descriptive writing that put the reader right there not only in place but emotions as well. With your writing sytle, I could not but help but feel for the emotional turmoil your MC was experiencing. Great job!
This brought tears to my eyes. Unfortunately, the situation of which you write is all too common these days. You captured it all so very well. And I agree with the others, the hopeful ending is very powerful. No wonder you are in Masters.
06/20/07
Wow! This is one of my favorites so far! Very well written. It was one of those where I forgot I was reading, and it played like a movie in my head. I felt like I could feel how the girl was feeling. Very good!
In a word - WOW! This brought tears to my eyes... you really captured this girl's pain and anguish.
06/20/07
This was the story I wanted to write and it just would not come together and God gave me something different. I know why now, God inspired you to do it and made it amazing, way better than I could have done. I won't forget this one, it was perfect.
Very powerful and well written. One of my favorites. Great job, as usual.