Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)
-
TITLE: Alexander and Rosie | Previous Challenge Entry
By Shari Armstrong
06/07/07 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
“What’s not fair?” a voice above him said.
Alexander looked up and up, to see his friend Rosie Giraffe nibbling on some leaves high in the tree. “My trunk is too long. The others keep making fun of me,” he said.
Rosie leaned her head down to look her friend in the eye. “I think your trunk is just fine.”
“What do you know? You are a giraffe. You are long all over.” Alexander made a sad trumpet with his trunk, “Bweeet.”
“I get made fun of, too.”
Alexander looked up at his friend. “You do?”
“Yes. My spots are different. The other giraffes have smooth spots. Mine are wiggly on the edges. That is why Mama called me Rosie. She said my spots looked like flowers.”
Alexander tilted his head and looked at his friend. “Yes, they do kind of look like flowers. But, doesn’t it hurt when they make fun of you?”
“Yes,” she said and the nibbled on another leaf. “But not anymore. I know that my family loves me. And, I have good friends like you.” She took a few leaves off the branch and dropped them. “Here, have some yummy leaves.”
”Barooo,” trumpeted Alexander. “Thank you. Even with my long trunk, I still can’t reach those yummy leaves.”
Rosie smiled and said, “Let’s go play in the watering hole. It’s getting hot.”
“Race you!” Alexander began to run toward the watering hole.
Rosie quickly passed him with her long legs. She walked into the water, waiting for Alexander to get there.
Alexander got to the water’s edge and used his long trunk to send a shower of water high into the air, not quite reaching Rosie’s head.
Rosie laughed, “See? Your long trunk is great for water fights.” She leaned down and used her head to splash water in the direction of her friend.
The two played and played until they heard Alexander’s mommy call him to come home.
“Barooo.” Alexander waved with his trunk. “See you tomorrow, Rosie!”
”Bye, Alexander.” Rosie joined her herd at the other side of the watering hole and nuzzled her mama’s long neck and went to sleep.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
I wonder if the piece isn’t a bit short, whether you could have added some further action to bring out more of the playfulness in the two scenes. I remember when my son read a book belonging his older brother, he complained that there was too much conversation in it. He was used to children’s books where there was more happening and less talking. Just a thought.
It was a bit short, but then again, younger children like shorter stories, especially ones with animals. Great job!
Is there a typo in the 9th paragraph? "The" instead of "then"? I wasn't sure.
I liked that Rosie pointed out the advantage of Alexander's long trunk. I would have like to see this expanded upon. His long trunk saves the day some how. But then again, maybe that's getting too complicated. Great job!
Can't wait to read it to my Grandkids (when they arrive.)