The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/10/07
Very cute story of friendship between the two animals and also with the girl Lisa. I noticed a couple places where commas would have helped the flow, and you used "sprung" instead of "sprang." I think this would be very appealing to young children. Good job! :)
06/11/07
This is really cute and well written!
06/12/07
Ah! What a good story about the faithfulness of "man's best friend". I enjoyed this. We have a cat and a rabbit that are best friends. :)
06/12/07
Very sweet story to illustrate friendship, loyalty, courage...

Some of your words, phrases, even the structure of your sentence, seem a bit old for your intended audience. I'd recommend some simplifying if you're planning to take this elsewhere.

Endearing characters and just the right amount of suspense. Good job!
06/12/07
Great detail and action in this story, with endearing characters.

It may be me, but the sentences in this story seemed quite long, especially for children. I might shorten them a bit if I were revising.

Great stuff!
Dusty is quite the hero! Very nice story. I feel that some of your words were big for children (imminent, surveyed, apparent...) but a very good story.