The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/10/07
I can imagine myself reading this story to children at Sunday School or Children's Church. I'm sure they could relate to not wanting to stop playing to come inside!
I loved this story! Oh my.... felt like I was right there watching with Ben and his mama. You have a wonderful writing gift. Keep using it for JESUS and may HE enlarge your writing territory for HIS KINGDOM.
06/11/07
Cute story about a very typical little boy who would rather play than bathe! :) There were a few small errors, such as "sunk" instead of "sank," and I think you meant "eyes opened wide" instead of "yes," but a little proofreading would fix those. Great message at the end, leading the discussion from being clean on the outside to being clean of heart!
I really like this and I think children and moms all over could relate to this. I like the ending too how you compared the cleaning to our relationship with Jesus and how he wants us to obey and be pure.Good job. God bless and try to work on this to get it published, I can see it illusrated as I paint and draw and I have all of these colorful images that come to my mind. Grin. Janice
06/11/07
Heartwarming! Great Story, one that both the child and parents will enjoy! SUPERB WRITING!
06/13/07
I really enjoyed this story! I could see and feel with Ben--great descriptions and dialogue that made him come alive.

A few spelling errors: In paragraph 2, "furocious" should be "ferocious"; in p 3, "bonfire" should be one word; in p 8, Ben should be running "faster than a jackrabbit." Also, "Mama" and "Daddy" should begin in this story with upper case letters, since they are used as titles.

The many words and sentences in upper case letters would look more effective if simply italicized for emphasis. Also, a few long words, ie, "conviction," might be replaced with smaller words since this is clearly written for small children.

Great title and wonderful story!