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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)

TITLE: Abigail’s Birthday Present.
By
06/05/07


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Abigail Hyatt was almost seven and her daddy let her choose where she wanted the birthday party. It had been a sad winter and a party was a good idea.

“Can we have it at the park, Daddy?” Abigail asked.

“Which park would you like to have it at, Abigail?”

“The big one, Daddy— the one Mommy loved. You know, the one where we threw the rose petals after her funeral.”

“If that’s where you want it, then that’s where we should have it,” Daddy said, kissing the tip of her nose.

Abigail smiled. “I’ll help with the invitations but we have to invite Grandpa and Grandma Lawson. Do you think they’ll come, Daddy? We haven’t seen them since Mommy died and they went back home on the plane.” Her smile had gone. “I wish they didn’t live so far away. Do you think they miss Mommy, too?”

“I’m sure they do. I would miss you, my darling daughter, if you had died. Now, let’s not be sad. Mommy would want us to enjoy your party.”

“I want to wear the dress Mommy bought me for my party last year.”

“Abigail honey, I don’t think it will fit. You have grown so tall. Why don’t we go to the mall tomorrow after school and see what we can find?”

“OK, Daddy.”

*****

It was a sunny day and the park had lots of spring flowers growing in the gardens. Abigail could see her grandparents at the end of the short path that led to the playground. They were hanging balloons on the swings and trees. Picnic tables had food on them and a huge birthday cake with pink icing.

“Grandma! Grandpa!” she called, and ran to meet them.

“Abby! You look so grown up and your party dress is so pretty,” Grandma said, smiling.

“It’s Mommy’s favorite color. Do you think she’d like it?”

“I think it’s perfect,” Grandpa said.

“Abigail,” Daddy said, “your friends have arrived.”

She looked up at Daddy to ask him to greet them for her, but he was wiping something out of his eye. Grandma hugged Abigail. Abigail knew Grandma was crying and she hugged her too. “Oh Grandma, I miss Mommy so much, but she would want us to enjoy the party.”

“Yes, she would,” Grandpa said, hugging them both. “Now go and meet your friends and enjoy the afternoon.”

Abigail greeted her friends and opened her presents. A clown skipped into the playground, making the children laugh. He twisted balloons into the shape of little animals, stood on his hands and spun hoops on his feet. Abigail thought it was the best party ever.

*****

Abigail was too excited to go to bed that night. After her bath, she dressed in her new summer night gown, and sat on Grandpa’s knee while he read her favorite Bible story: Noah’s Ark. She knew it almost by heart because she always had her mommy read it before she went to sleep— sometimes twice.

“Abigail,” Daddy said, coming into the room with a glass of milk. “Grandma and Grandpa Lawson want to talk to you.”

Abigail was afraid. Daddy had said something like that once before, when Mommy got sick. She remembered that Mommy was crying and Daddy told her they would be OK. Abigail climbed off her grandpa’s knee and went to her daddy.

“It’s all right, Abby,” Grandma said, and smiled at her. “Everything is OK.”

“You see,” Daddy said, lifting Abigail onto his knee, “we all miss Mommy very much and...”

“What your daddy is trying to say, is that we miss your mommy, too,” Grandma finished. “But, we also miss you and your daddy.”

Grandpa sat on the floor in front of Daddy and Abigail reached down to hug his neck.

“What we are trying to say is...” Grandpa took a deep breath. “Grandma and I want to move in with you and Daddy, at least until we get a house close by. Your daddy and I talked about it a lot and we think your mommy would like it. What do you think?”

“This is the best birthday present ever. Can they live with us, Daddy… please?”

“Abigail, this is your birthday present. It’s up to you.” Daddy was laughing now. He hadn’t laughed for a long time.

She jumped off her daddy’s knee and hugged her grandpa and her grandma. “Please come and stay— I’ll even let you call me Abby. Mommy always called me Abby.”




Authors’ Note: I wish to thank Abigail, my 7 year old challenge buddy for this week, for allowing me to use her name. Hyatt was her choice, but not her real name. The story is fiction.


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This article has been read 904 times
Member Comments
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Pat Guy 06/07/07
I can see this read at night to a little girl as one of her favorite stories.

Very well done.
Esther Gellert06/08/07
What a beautiful story. I really enjoyed reading it, as did my daughter, who's name happens to be Abigail too!
Jan Ackerson 06/08/07
This would be a very helpful read for children who have experienced the loss of a parent. Your Abigail's voice is just right for a 7-year-old, and I like the subtle touches that indicate the emotions of the adults, too.
Marilee Alvey06/09/07
This was a true roller coaster ride: the ups and downs of grief. After one year, Abigail is just beginning to be able to move on. A wonderfully written tale of the healing process for a child who has been faced with such loss. I breathed a sigh of relief when I found out her grandparents would be moving in. Perhaps you could put an indication that this story deals with death either in the title or the subtitle so that people who begin the story are prepared for any questions or feelings of fear that it might stir up in a small child. Good job!
Teri Wilson06/09/07
I liked this story and I am pleased to read one about a more serious topic. So many of the entries are very light-hearted and this was a nice change of pace. I love that the grandparents were going to move in - that was a nice suprise, an unexpected happy ending. You did a nice job of writing about a sad/serious subject while making the story touching, but not too sad at the same time. Great job! Love and blessings, Teri
Amy Michelle Wiley 06/09/07
Very well done story. You did a good job of touching on the very real emotions, but still staying appropriate for a child this age.
Donna Emery06/09/07
This touched my heart in a very real way. What a precious story to comfort the heart of a child who has lost a parent. Very, very good.
Edy T Johnson 06/09/07
This is a sweet story, and addresses an important topic. Children don't need to be "protected from" death and other realities of life with false reassurances; rather they need to be prepared for all possibilities imaginable. Adults might think children don't understand, but I remember being three years old and appreciating my parents explanations to my questions.

I agree with the comment alerting parents in advance. You might even want to use this as part of a Bible study, giving parents and children the eternal hope of God's Word, that He will never leave us. Good job!
Dee Yoder 06/09/07
Beautiful. I was looking for just this kind of book when my son's Daddy died. (Very few about the death of a parent were available then.) The voice of Abigail is right for the age in your story and the ending is hopeful and up-lifting. The emotional aspects of a first "family occasion" after a death is true to life also. This story would be helpful for a family to read before an event such as you describe.
Sally Hanan06/10/07
This little kid has a great voice, and the whole story is very realistic and not overdone with grown-up "lessons". You definitely have the knack of living inside your MC.
Valora Otis06/10/07
Dear, sweet friend. As I read this I felt consoled. As a mother of four son's and a person with precarious health--I often wondered as a young mother how my health issues would effect my kids long term. I soon found that as I explained things to them (not in detail) they were comforted and went about the task of being children. They are secure to this day. Parent's don't need to hide pain and loss from children and you have done a delightful job at showing how grief effects three different generations in a healthy way. God bless you in your efforts, you have written this piece very well.
Rita Garcia06/11/07
You have taken a serious subject and handled it with love and perfection!
Myrna Noyes06/12/07
Well-written story on this special topic! The sadness wasn't too "heavy," and the happy ending would leave young children satisfied at the end. Good job! :)
Joanne Sher 06/12/07
I adore this - so real, and the voice is perfect. You had a wonderful challenge buddy too, it appears! ;)
David Butler 06/12/07
This is wonderful.
I'm inclined to think that even kids who haven't lost a loved one will get an appreciation of the realities of life - and death - from this piece. Well done.
Kristen Hester 06/13/07
I read this out loud to my daughter and got choked up. Very touching. Abigail is very mature. This is a great story for a child dealing with loss or so others will be thankful that they have their parents.
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/13/07
I liked the way you expressed a child's coming to accept grief without forgetting her beloved mother. I think this would be a most helpful story for a child who's grieving.
Jacquelyn Horne06/13/07
This is so good for children. Many children deal with death and this should help them learn to heal. Good story.
Loren T. Lowery 06/13/07
I thihk you captured the heart of this child beautifully, esp. the fear she felt when she thought some bad news might be repeated. Also, liked the tie-in to how important the family is to us all. Nice job!
Pamela Kliewer06/13/07
Very well done. You really captured this little girl's heart.
Betty Castleberry06/13/07
This brought tears to my eyes. It is so sweet, and unfortunately, true for some children. I'm glad Abby will have her grandparents close. Well done.
LaNaye Perkins06/13/07
THis was a sweet story. You captured my heart with it.
Sara Harricharan 06/14/07
This is a lovely children's story, Chrissy! I liked the tone and the setting, especially the present at the end ^_^. That's the best kind of present. I can't think of any improvements, so well done!


   
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