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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)

TITLE: First Grade Conversation With God
By Rachel Burkum


“Dear God, it’s me again…Katie. You know…the girl in the blue house with the big tree in the yard. It’s my bedtime, and Mommy told me to say my prayers. She told me to thank You for the day, and to tell You that I love You. But…I think my heart hurts. I don’t feel good tonight, God.

“First grade is harder than I thought. Today, Rob made fun of me. He said I wasn’t smart. When I was on the playground with Maddie, she pushed me and I fell. I tried not to cry, but I did anyway. At lunch, someone took my cookie. I don’t even know who it was. If You saw him, would You please tell him to be nice?

“Then, Miss Thatcher asked a question in math. I thought I knew the answer. But I was wrong. Some of the other kids laughed at me. Miss Thatcher said that it was okay, but it still didn’t feel good.

“When I got on the bus to go home, Amanda wouldn’t let me sit with her. I guess she didn’t like the way I dressed.

“Tonight, I wanted Daddy to play a game with me. But he was in his office and he got mad when I bothered him. Mommy didn’t let me help cook supper either. She said she was in a hurry.

“I don’t feel very happy tonight, God.

“Do You think I’m not smart? No one seems to like me. Will I ever have friends? Do Mommy and Daddy love me?”

“Dear Katie, it’s me again…God. You know…from Heaven where everything is beautiful. I heard your prayer tonight. Thank you for talking to me.

“I am sorry that you don’t feel good. People make fun of me sometimes, too. They laugh at me. I know that it hurts. Sometimes people don’t do the things they should. But we will love them anyway, won’t we? Maybe if we love them, they will love us back.

“And you know what? You are very special to me. I knew you before you were even born! And guess what else. You are smart. It’s okay that you missed a math question. That is how you will learn.

“I know your daddy and mommy were very busy tonight. They had a lot on their minds. But they take very good care of you, and they love you just like I do!

“It is your bedtime now, Katie. Go to sleep and dream sweet dreams. Remember that I am with you, wherever you go. You can talk to me any time, and I will always listen. I am here to help you, and I love you very, very much!

“Oh, and Katie…it was Jimmy who took your cookie. But I bet if you take an extra one for him tomorrow, you two can be friends.

“Goodnight, my child. Sleep tight.”

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This article has been read 923 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joy Faire Stewart06/07/07
This is so sweet...love it. My favorite were the last two lines. Excellent writing.
Chrissi Dunn06/08/07
Very well written. An authentic child's voice. Well done.
Janice Fitzpatrick06/09/07
How lovely. I didn't expect the voice of God replying and that was awesome. I like how you wrote simply from a child's heart and emotion. Very well done! Keep it up. This is touching, I can relate to it well being young once and tenderhearted. I sometimes this in my own little six year old whose soft heart gets broken easily. Thx for sharing this. Beautiful. Janice
David F. Palmieri Sr.06/09/07

Great story...I could really feel her pain. I loved God's answer. I especially liked it when she learned who took her cookie.

I think you're missing some quotation marks at the end of several lines...good work...dave
Sally Hanan06/09/07
This was cute and it might work in a Chriatian magazine for young kids if you add descriptive writing to it too rather than just have dialogue. Alternatively, you could turn it into a script for Sunday School classrooms.
Rita Garcia06/11/07
I love the way Katie tells God exactly who she is! Perfect from beginning to end!
Jan Ackerson 06/12/07
Wonderful job with God's "voice" and the way her spoke to this precious little girl on her level.

There were a few points where I thought she was a bit too articulate for a first-grader, but nothing major. The main idea--that God hears and responds to our prayers--is loud and clear, and very precious.
Joanne Sher 06/12/07
This is precious and wonderful. Your voice is just right for your child AND her Father - I am certain this is exactly how God talks to the little ones. I love the ending especially.
Dara Sorensen06/13/07
Aww, that made me teary-eyed. I like the conversation a lot. I think both children and adults would gain something from this story.
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/13/07
I enjoyed the story very much--loved how the little girl identified herself and her location to God "just in case." Her problems that she shared with God were certainly significant to her. I believe it is important for children (and grown-ups) to know that everything that concerns us matters to God.
Kristen Hester06/13/07
This is so sweet. My first grader is dyslexic so she has had similar feelings as your character. What an encouraging story.
Jacquelyn Horne06/13/07
This should get children's attention. Very good pov and done in a delightful manner.
Sheri Gordon06/13/07
This is very sweet. I could picture the little girl in her bed, talking to God. Great job.
Sara Harricharan 06/14/07
This is one of my favorites for this week! I love the title and the story. The 'reply' was my favorite part, especially the second to last paragraph with the cookie culprit. very sweet. Kudos to you! ^_^