The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
Very cute and Seuss-like. I enjoyed it.
06/07/07
Cute and fun! The rhythm tripped me up in a couple places, but this was delightful and playful.
06/07/07
Uh-oh! I'm reading entries from the back to the front...take a look at the next entry and you'll see what I'm prone to do when I read Seuss-like poetry! (I'll spare you, though, and anyone else reading the comments.:) But obviously, I love this type of material; it makes me happy! I think children love it, too, since the pattern and words are easy for them to read and remember.
06/08/07
Wonderful poem. I'd love to use it in my classroom to teach students about descriptive phrases. Let me know. Thanks.
06/11/07
You really must get an illustrator to collaborate with you on this one.

The rhyme was perfect, though once or twice the meter bobbled. The ending seemed just a little abrupt. Maybe add a stanza where the three promise to come again whenever Lou gets bored.

This is a great read-aloud for the younger set, though. Terrific job!
06/11/07
Absolutely delightful--reminds me of an old Peter, Paul and Mary tune called "The Marvelous Toy." Not only should this be illustrated, it should also be set to music!
06/11/07
MASTERWRITING!!! In total agreement, needs to be published!!!!!!!!!!
My favorite sentence--
It slip down the rainbow and circled a cloud--in this wonderful children's story.
So delightful! Any child would be captured by this--the child in me certainly was!
Children love poems and well, so do I. Especially when they are fun like this one. Great job.
I could just picture a group of kids in a circle chanting this charming poem. All, with big, wiggly, giggly smiles!
Very good. Children will love this.
06/13/07
Yes! I want to see this illustrated! Oh what fun! This is great and I loved it!
Such a wonderful poem to capture the heart and mind of a child. Well Done!
06/14/07
Oooh! Cute! This was fun. I liked the ryhme, though it was a little awkward in the spot with the "puppy or kitty" even though it ryhmes with pretty. I liked the ending with the rainbow. Cute.
06/14/07
***Congrats!***
06/14/07
Well, my buddy, this IS a MASTERPIECE! Congratulations on your win. You and I are, once more, alike. We love to be funny AND we both have an outrageous imagination. The more I see of your writing, the more I have to laugh at how we are so on the same wavelength. You know, after I wrote mine I'd wished I'd put it in poetry form, but I needn't have bothered. You already did! Now, get that book going!
09/19/07
Really liked this. Reminds me of Dr. Seuss!
Laury