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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write something suitable for CHILDREN (05/31/07)

TITLE: Lou's Red Blue and Green Thing
By Betty Castleberry
06/03/07


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It sat on the sidewalk, red, blue, and part green
The oddest contraption that Lou’d ever seen
It had an antenna sprouting up from a nook
It hummed and it clicked and it quivered and shook

When she bent down to touch it, it spun all around
Then it got very quiet, not making a sound
Lou tapped on the top of its sparkly beeper
And out came a jumper, a hopper, and leaper

One had a lollipop on top of his head
His hair was messed up like he’d just left his bed
His feet were so big that they thudded and clomped
Even on tiptoes he tromped and he stomped

The next one had ears with orange polka dots
His wrinkly forehead was covered with spots
His nose was a flower of bright sunny yellow
The stripes on his chin made him quite a strange fellow

The last one had fur like a puppy or kitty
It was curly and long and really quite pretty
His tail was little, no more than a nub
And when he saw Lou he wagged the short stub

They skipped and they bounced to a very strange song
Which came from the flute that they brought along
They sang along, too, in squeaky small voices
Then stood in a line, the strangest of choices

With a nod of their heads, they marched up to Lou’s toes
Then tickled her kneecaps, her elbows and nose
They made quite a scene with their marching and wiggling
Lou couldn’t help it, she had to start giggling

With a tug and a whistle and a wink and a grin
They climbed the contraption and tumbled back in
Lights shone all around and it started to rise
With a whir and a twinkle it shot toward the skies

It slid down the rainbow and circled a cloud
The clicking and humming had gotten quite loud
Lou waved goodbye and called “Come back to play!”
Then she watched as it sped out of sight and away


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This article has been read 1164 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sharlyn Guthrie06/07/07
Very cute and Seuss-like. I enjoyed it.
Joanne Sher 06/07/07
Cute and fun! The rhythm tripped me up in a couple places, but this was delightful and playful.
Dee Yoder 06/07/07
Uh-oh! I'm reading entries from the back to the front...take a look at the next entry and you'll see what I'm prone to do when I read Seuss-like poetry! (I'll spare you, though, and anyone else reading the comments.:) But obviously, I love this type of material; it makes me happy! I think children love it, too, since the pattern and words are easy for them to read and remember.
Seema Bagai 06/08/07
Wonderful poem. I'd love to use it in my classroom to teach students about descriptive phrases. Let me know. Thanks.
Sandra Petersen 06/11/07
You really must get an illustrator to collaborate with you on this one.

The rhyme was perfect, though once or twice the meter bobbled. The ending seemed just a little abrupt. Maybe add a stanza where the three promise to come again whenever Lou gets bored.

This is a great read-aloud for the younger set, though. Terrific job!
Jan Ackerson 06/11/07
Absolutely delightful--reminds me of an old Peter, Paul and Mary tune called "The Marvelous Toy." Not only should this be illustrated, it should also be set to music!
Rita Garcia06/11/07
MASTERWRITING!!! In total agreement, needs to be published!!!!!!!!!!
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/11/07
My favorite sentence--
It slip down the rainbow and circled a cloud--in this wonderful children's story.
Birdie Courtright06/12/07
So delightful! Any child would be captured by this--the child in me certainly was!
Kristen Hester06/13/07
Children love poems and well, so do I. Especially when they are fun like this one. Great job.
Loren T. Lowery06/13/07
I could just picture a group of kids in a circle chanting this charming poem. All, with big, wiggly, giggly smiles!
Jacquelyn Horne06/13/07
Very good. Children will love this.
Pat Guy 06/13/07
Yes! I want to see this illustrated! Oh what fun! This is great and I loved it!
LaNaye Perkins06/14/07
Such a wonderful poem to capture the heart and mind of a child. Well Done!
Sara Harricharan 06/14/07
Oooh! Cute! This was fun. I liked the ryhme, though it was a little awkward in the spot with the "puppy or kitty" even though it ryhmes with pretty. I liked the ending with the rainbow. Cute.
Sara Harricharan 06/14/07
***Congrats!***
Marilee Alvey06/14/07
Well, my buddy, this IS a MASTERPIECE! Congratulations on your win. You and I are, once more, alike. We love to be funny AND we both have an outrageous imagination. The more I see of your writing, the more I have to laugh at how we are so on the same wavelength. You know, after I wrote mine I'd wished I'd put it in poetry form, but I needn't have bothered. You already did! Now, get that book going!
Laury Hubrich 09/19/07
Really liked this. Reminds me of Dr. Seuss!
Laury