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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the ADVENTURE genre (05/24/07)

TITLE: A Jam-filled Day
By Rita Garcia
05/29/07


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The jarring of the car woke me from my dream of a nice thick, juicy steak. My person put her hand on my head.

“Its okay, Lady, we’re crossing over a rickety old wooden bridge, I think we’re in Mecca Cove. This fog is rolling in as thick as pea soup.”

My person always talked to me; the sound of her voice always made me feel warm and fuzzy. A stroke or pat on my head was like having cheese with that nice thick steak. Once awake I realized it was time for a pit-stop, at least that’s what my person calls it. I tapped her arm with my paw, you see my person is deaf and I’m her service dog although I must tell you our relationship is so much more.

“Hang on, Baby. I’ll try to find a place to stop. According to the map, we should be getting to a small bay about now.”

Once my person opened the door I was in a hurry to go, if you know what I mean. In the middle of sniffing out the perfect spot, I heard my person yelling for help. I ran and found her rushing down a path to the water below. It was difficult to see. Why is she rolling down the path? I followed her, and when we both reached the bottom, it was like she was asleep. I have to go find help.

Back up on the road, I found three humans. I ran around like crazy, barking and carrying on, trying to get their attention so they would follow me.

“What’s a matter, are you lost?” one of the humans asked. I continued barking and running toward the path. They just didn’t get it. Suddenly a bright light shined from one of their hands, the kind of light my person uses when the house gets dark and the lights won’t work. Why are they leaving? I resumed my barking and tried to stop them. One of them grabbed me and picked me up.

“Don’t worry. We’re going for help. That must be your owner down below.”

More humans came and put my person in a big car and everyone left. I tried to get their attention but they ignored me.

It was creepy and dark. How was I to take care of my person when they had taken her away? Tired from all the barking and running around, I laid down in a patch of grass. I am really hungry.

In the distance, a low bone-chilling growl filled the air. The hair on my neck stood straight up. This can’t be…tell me this isn’t happening. It was like deja-vu, bringing back terrible memories of when I was just a wee puppy and someone dropped me off in the middle of nowhere to fend for myself. That’s just the way I felt now. I was rescued before. I can’t give up, but by the time I was rescued as a puppy I was weak and not breathing real well.

I ran back to the car and crawled under it, hoping I would be safe. I kept hearing strange noises, and then an eerie hooting sound filled the air. I placed my paws over my ears, and then must have fallen asleep. A crunching noise woke me with a start. I could see a human’s shoes. I crawled out from under the car and stood behind the human, this was my big chance to be rescued.

The human turned around, picked me up, and rubbed a hand across my vest. My person always puts my vest on me when we leave home. She says the orange vest looks good with my long sable-colored fur. I really wanted my person in the worse possible way.

“Come on, Sport, I think I may very well know who you belong to.”

We went for a ride and then stopped at a big house.

The human carried me inside the big house, I was glad to be up so high, much higher than when my person carries me. This house sure has a lot of doors.

We went through one of the doors and there was my person taking a nap. In one long swoop I jumped onto her bed.

My person opened her groggy eyes, “Baby, my baby.” She hugged me tight.

I cuddled next her. I will stay much closer to my person from now on.

“We had quite a jam-filled day, didn’t we girl?”


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This article has been read 945 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Edy T Johnson 05/31/07
Such powerful writing, I was snared with the first sentence, and none of the rest did anything to disappoint. Although I am familiar with this story, you did a great job telling it from the dog's point of view. And, I have to add, I am impressed with the caliber of writing. This is one great story delivered by a super writer.
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/01/07
I was interested from the first sentence, wondering what adventure the dog would have. Then I was so glad his person and he were both safe. A good story!
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/01/07
Oops! Sorry about calling Lady "he."
Seema Bagai 06/02/07
I liked how you told the story from the dog's perspective. You packed a lot of emotion into a short story.
dub W06/03/07
I thought the reveal or structured hint was a little slow in developing, but the storyline centered on a dog's thoughts was very well done.
Joanne Sher 06/04/07
Nice POV - I enjoyed this, thought it read a bit slow to start.
Benjamin Graber06/04/07
Creative POV! Good job, I enjoyed this one.
Loren T. Lowery06/04/07
Admitedly, I'm a sucker for MC that have an animal's POV - so I really, really liked this. Her calling her master "person" tripped me up a bit, but once I got into the story I was okay with it.
Sara Harricharan 06/06/07
An enjoyable read! The dog's POV was just perfect, I liked hearing the thoughts running through the story and the end where everything turned out okay after all. Quite the adventure! ^_^
Val Clark06/08/07
I, too loved the POV, Rita. And, I have discovered, not an easy one to do well, but you nailed it in such a way that you suspended my disbelief. I was quite prepared to accept that a dog could understand the concept of dejavu. Really enjoyed it. yeggy
Rebecca Jones06/08/07
I truly liked this story from the dog's point of view. I honestly felt tension for the dog when he was frightened and left alone. Well-written!
Helen Dowd 06/10/07
I love animal stories, especially when told from the animal's point of view. You told the story well, keeping up the reader's interest, and the suspense, to the end. Loved this story.
Jacquelyn Horne06/11/07
A wonderful account of relationship between a woman and her animal friend.