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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the ADVENTURE genre (05/24/07)

TITLE: A Day in the Life...
By Lynda Lee Schab
05/29/07


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The chase is on.

I slam my car into park and climb out. “Napoleon Dynamite the Second, get back here! NOW!” My tone borders on shrieking.

This is ridiculous. I can’t believe I left work to come home and chase down my dog—no, my daughter’s dog.

I scan the streets. Napoleon is nowhere in sight.

Mrs. Clancy, my elderly neighbor who called me out of a meeting to inform me that the dog had gotten loose and was digging ferociously in her flower bed, comes ambling out of her front door, baseball bat in hand.

“Mrs. Clancy, put down the bat. Napoleon may be a nuisance but he’s harmless.”

“Tell that to my flowers!”

My front door opens and Krissy, the fourteen year old babysitter strolls out. “What’s going on?”

“Napoleon got loose. I’ve been trying to call you all morning but the phone was busy.”

Guilt splashes over her face. “I wasn’t on the phone, I swear. I was just about to give Allie a bath.” We both look down at the cordless phone, still in her hand.

So busted.

“Did the carpet guy come?” I try to ignore the fact that she’s been yakking on the phone all morning instead of playing with my daughter.

“Oh – yeah. He left about fifteen minutes ago. Carpet looks great!” She gives a “thumbs up” and a gigantic smile. Her pathetic attempt at looking responsible falls flat on me.

Behind Krissy, the door swings open and my three year old flies out, buck naked. “No bath, Mommy!” She tears around the side of the house, free as a bird.

“Krissy—grab Allie before somebody calls the cops and reports my toddler for indecent exposure.” I turn to Mrs. Clancy. “Which way did Napoleon go?”

She points the bat towards her back yard.

At this moment, a brown rust-bucket of a car loudly turns the corner. As it nears, it suddenly speeds up and squeals away down the street. But not quickly enough for me to miss that in the passenger seat sits my fifteen year old daughter—yes, the one who begged for a dog for two years until I finally (and stupidly, I might add) relented—who is supposed to be shopping with Melissa. Instead, she is in a car with a purple-haired, tattoo covered stranger who looks twice her age and ten times as experienced.

“Yo, Adrienne!” I yell at the car, Rocky Balboa-like. If I had a pair of boxing gloves I would definitely give the tattoo guy a round he wouldn’t forget.

I can't help noticing several blinds in nearby windows being slitted open and the beady eyes of nosy neighbors peering out, probably wondering about the maniac loose in their neighborhood.

You’d think they’d be used to it by now.

An hour later, still no Napoleon. I trudge into the house. Mrs. Clancy follows me.

“My precious flowers,” she whines.

“I’ll pay for the flowers, Mrs. Clancy.” I dig through my purse for a twenty and hand it to her. She leaves, mumbling about how it’s not nearly enough to cover new bulbs.

Krissy drags in a naked, screaming Allie, who she finally dragged out of the sandbox. I cringe at the trail of sand she is tracking in. But I cringe more at the thought of the other places I’ll find sand. Ew.

The door opens again. It’s the rebel, Adrienne. “Look who I found!” She says cheerfully, likely hoping I’ve forgotten about her lying, speeding away, and her undesirable male companion.

Napoleon, the curly brown-haired mutt, trots in, leaving more muddy prints on my new carpet.

“You’re grounded,” I tell Adrienne. She makes a face and stomps off towards her room.

I look at Krissy. “And you’re fired.”

“So I’m not getting paid for today?”

I glare at her and she slinks out the door.

“You’re filthy!” I scold Allie, who now sits, decorating my new carpet with sand butt-marks.

“And you’re history!” I tell Napoleon. He wags his tail and licks my hand.

A knock sounds at the door and—go figure—it’s the cops.

“Let me guess. Indecent exposure?” I ask.

Mr. Policeman nods. “Yes, Ma’am.”

I would cry right now but I’m laughing too hard. Oh, I’m going to wet my pants!

And then, as if a mind-reader, Allie claps her hands and says, “Go potty, Mommy!”

And so she has. Right on—yep—my new carpet.

The chase is definitely on, alright... but this time for my sanity.


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This article has been read 997 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Betty Castleberry05/31/07
Oh, a day in the life of a working mom. This was entertaining and fun. Good dialogue. Big thumbs up.
Dee Yoder 05/31/07
The only kind of adventure most mom's experience! Funny!
Lynda Schultz 06/01/07
Too cute! I especially loved this repetition:

“You’re grounded,” … you’re fired …“You’re filthy! … you’re history!”

Excellent!
Mo 06/01/07
This is great!
Leigh MacKelvey06/02/07
I was on the seat of my pants, laughing sooo hard I almost wet them!
Very,very good!
Venice Kichura06/03/07
Very entertaining & well written.
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/03/07
This is a wonderful story, excellently written with enough humor for good hearty laughter. The details were so clear I could visualize every agonizing minute for a much harried mom!
Shari Armstrong 06/04/07
This line says it all "You’d think they’d be used to it by now."

Reporting a toddler for indecent exposure??? WOW!!!

I'm tired just reading it...
Jan Ackerson 06/04/07
Absolutely hilarious, every last word. Loved it, loved it, loved it.
Joanne Sher 06/04/07
So fun - I am ALSO tired from just reading this! You threw me right in the middle. Great stuff!
Sandra Petersen 06/04/07
Lynda, this was delightful, a very welcome laugh! A spot of humor among all of the more sober entries.

I loved the part where Krissy attempts to pretend she wasn't on the phone and Mom goes "So busted" because of the cordless still in her hands. Oops!

And as far as buck naked toddlers entertaining the neighbors, I had at least one or two episodes of that when my daughters were growing up. Thank the Lord for neighbors with a sense of humor.

This was a gem! One of my favorites this week.
Loren T. Lowery06/04/07
Although I can't identify 100% with everything that's gone on here, I can certainly be entertained, amused, educated and thank-ful for your bringng a little humor into my day today!
Sara Harricharan 06/05/07
Oh that poor mom. She has my sympathy and well, my laughter. She truly has what it takes to stick to motherhood. I do hope she finds her sanity soon. Great writing, hilarious adventure. I loved the tone on this and hope it does well. ^_^
Teri Wilson06/06/07
You totally nailed the dog's name!
Pat Guy 06/06/07
So typically Lynda! What a hoot all the way through and too many fun spots to mention.

This is great Lynda - it's so good.
Kristen Hester06/06/07
Great! I loved it. I could picture each of the characters.
Benjamin Graber06/06/07
LOL!!! I have to echo what Jan said: "Absolutely hilarious, every last word."
What a great read!
william price06/07/07
Great job, Lynda!!!!!
I truely loved it and am encouraged to know this happens in other peoples' lives too. Be kool. God bless.
Sally Hanan06/07/07
Haha, I should have guessed this was yours when I was judging it. Thanks for the laugh :)
Janice Fitzpatrick06/19/07
Hi Lynda: This is so cute. Yes, even if I didn't look at the author's name I know your style pretty much now and your hilarious descriptive verbal illustrations keep me grinning and guffawing.:0) Hey thx for the kind encouraging words for my little devotional piece, "We Are One Body.". God bless kiddo.Janice