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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the ADVENTURE genre (05/24/07)

TITLE: Prince of the Suburbs
By Debbie OConnor


Jake Martin was thirty-five—it haunted him. He longed to live a vital, exciting life, but he was only a middle-aged husband and father.

His gaze wandered to his sleeping wife. She had just returned from a seminar excited about being God’s daughter, His princess. I guess that makes me a Prince of the Suburbs, he thought. He was glad Maria found the title inspiring.

A warm, comforting presence enveloped Jake as he began his day with prayer. He left Maria a love note with her coffee, and lingered for a moment at the baby’s doorway before he hit the road.

Navigating rush hour on New Orleans’ substandard roadways was an exercise in frustration. Jake sipped his coffee and listened to a Christian CD, while striving to honor God by obeying the law and keeping his peace.

He arrived at work 20 minutes early, as usual. He settled himself, reviewed his plans for the day and silently asked God for strength to do his job well.

The rest of the sales staff straggled in. Irene Nichols disrupted the meeting, making excuses and blushing prettily, as she arrived her customary ten minutes late. The sales manager scowled.

Irene caught Jake’s arm on the way out of the meeting. “How much did I miss?” she asked.

“Not much, but Dave won’t put up with your bad habits long,” he replied.

Irene followed Jake to his desk. Tossing her long, blond hair, she bent to whisper teasingly in his ear, “I can handle Dave.” Her gaze became a leer. “Mike, Jenny and I are having drinks after work. We’d love for you to join us.” She looked away, her cheeks flushing slightly—her plunging neckline at eyelevel.

Jake coughed and looked away. His face burned. “I’m sorry, Irene. I’m going home to my wife. I wouldn’t go out without her.” He hoped his meaning was clear.

Irene straightened abruptly, her mouth set in a tight line. “Fine. See you later.” She hurried away.

Jake sighed and left for his first appointment.

His life was nothing like the glamorous dreams of his youth. How had he become a radio advertising salesperson? Jake had been ambitious. He wanted to make the world better.

Jake met a coworker for lunch. “Hey man,” Mike said, “you set Irene off this morning.”

“Really?” Jake wasn’t surprised, but he didn’t want to add to office gossip fodder.

“Yeah…” he shuddered. “She slammed things around and fussed about self-righteous, married pigs after you left. Watch your back—she has a wicked temper. Why wouldn’t you come anyway? Jenny and I would protect you.” Mike snickered as Jake reddened.

“How do you think Maria would feel if I left her home with our colicky baby to go out drinking with my coworkers? Especially when one of them is young, beautiful and hitting on me?”

“Er…yeah. But… she wouldn’t have to know.”

“I would know,” Jake replied. “Mike, I believe in God. There is a right and a wrong way to live. I do my best to live right.”

“Uh, sure…so…what do you think of Dave’s new remote package?” Mike was never keen to discuss God.

Jake worked his plan for the rest of the day: securing contracts, pitching proposals and filing paperwork. He called Maria that afternoon.

“Hey baby, how are you?”

She burst into tears. “Jake, I’m so tired. Grace barely slept, she won’t stop screaming...I haven’t had a moment to shower, cook or clean…”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” He hated it when she cried. “Don’t worry about dinner, I’ll pick something up. After we eat, I’ll take the baby so you can have a bath—a long one.”

“Oh Jake, I love you.”

He could hear her smiling.

Over dinner, Jake told Maria about his day, including Irene’s invitation. Then, as promised, he took care of Grace while Maria soaked in the tub. Jake’s heart throbbed when she emerged dressed in her best negligee.

She smiled at his expression and wrapped her arms around him. “You are my hero.”

“Your hero?” Jake laughed and tickled her.

“Stop that!” she shrieked. “Yes, you’re my hero. You work hard, you do what’s right and you’re here for me. You make my world better.”

Jake sank into her arms. He was living a vital, exciting life. He reflected on the challenges he’d faced that day. It matters, he realized. It matters to Maria, to Grace, to my coworkers, to God… I am Jake Martin, a man on a mission…Prince of the Suburbs.

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This article has been read 1322 times
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Cheri Hardaway 05/31/07
I LOVE this! What a creative take on adventure... and it truly is an adventure to live for God in the world today. This is a great line: He could hear her smiling. Great work, and thanks for a refreshing read. Blessings, Cheri
Mo 05/31/07
Very nicely done!
Dee Yoder 05/31/07
Just as I always suspected;the real heroes are ordinary men doing the right thing, without fanfare, day after day. Great story!
Helen Murray06/01/07
This gets my "Knight in Shining Armour" award. Life is so much more exciting when it's lived brilliantly.
Verna Cole Mitchell 06/01/07
You showed clearly that truly the real adventure is living for the Lord. I like the strong Godly man in your story.
Joanne Sher 06/02/07
Delightful - the title drew me in, and the story kept me captivated. Excellent job with the POV.
Myrna Noyes06/04/07
Very well-written story with realistic situations and a great message! We may not all be sky divers, mountain climbers, race car drivers, etc., but we all do live lives full of challenges! :) Good job!
Loren T. Lowery06/04/07
An authentic slice of life and a great example of how to lead a life of faith, honor and character and truly become a "Prince" in the eyes of those you cherish.
Sara Harricharan 06/05/07
What a great story and a great real-life hero. A good guy, who does the right thing and isn't all stuck up about it. Great story, great characters and enjoyable read.
Sally Hanan06/07/07
I really liked this one when I judged, Debbie. I had to mark it down a little for the opening hook and how well it would do within its genre, but otherwise you got top marks :)