It Happened Almost Like This
It was a lot like falling into a quiet stream, then all of a sudden going over a water fall. After a few exciting hours adrift then finding myself on the shore of a small lake for the rest of my life. I like things peaceable.
Two week before all of this began I broke my left foot. Thatís why I was parked in the handicapped parking space in front of the bank. It was one of those lucky things, the space opened up just as I got there. The police were towing off a blue 1968 Chevy. That Chevy looked exactly like the one I was driving
I was just sitting there waiting for a tune to finish on the radio. I think it was ďAmerican PieĒ, everyone knows that goes on for about a half hour. All of a sudden I heard gun shots, then a big boom and this long haired hippy fellow comes running out of a huge cloud of smoke. He grabs this Nun as his hostage and they jump in the back seat of my car. He yellís ďhit it Frank.Ē Well I hit it because my name is Frank.
We raced all over the city avoiding cop cars, road blocks and people shooting guns. We finally ended up on the docks. They were loading crates on this big yacht. The hippy pointed his gun at me and told me to get inside this big box. I resisted because I didnít have a passport but when I took another look at his gun I decided the foreigners might not mind all that much. After that he shoved the Nun in with me. Then he climbed in too.
That box was a lucky find. It had a couple latches on the inside. The hippy secured them once he got situated. As I said it was a lucky find, whoever was sending that box was shipping food and bedding. Theyíd even drilled several holes in the sides so we could breathe normally.
Well according to Arthurís Rolodex we were at sea for a couple days. Oh yes, Arthur is the hippy. He and Sue and I talked a lot because the only entertainment we had in the box was a pinochle deck. Sue, sheís the Nun. Well as I was saying we had only been at sea a couple days when we heard loud voices and more gun shots. We were afraid it was the Coast Guard because we had shared a couple joints, but it turned out okay. It was just four doped up Cuban guys having fun. Arthur and Sue seemed to know them. We ducked into this big island, let the Cubans off, picked up a big crate and some cigars. We left before dawn. After that Sue drove the boat to a small island.
At first the natives werenít very friendly. They kept us tied to hard wooden chairs for a few hours. Then this General guy with all kinds of hardware on his chest came in. Sue told him she would trade him the key to the boat for the deed to the island. The General seemed real anxious but it turned out good. Arthur gave him a box of guns and hand grenades and the natives fed us. That was the first time I ever saw a Nun smoke a cigar. But the General and his guys didnít leave right away because it took another twelve hours before Sue passed the key to the boat.
It was hot on the island so Sue finally took her habit off, thatís when I discovered she was a beautiful woman. She has this sexy tattoo on her left ankle but I didnít see it at first because it was covered up by the snub nosed 38 she had holstered just above her foot.
After six months on the island we elected Arthur Mayor. His first duty as Mayor was to perform a wedding ceremony and Sue became my wife. Weíve lived a quiet life ever since. Sue and I have 11 children and Arthur is serving his 13th term in office.
Every word Iíve told you sir, is the gospel truth, except I didnít really have a broken foot. I was just afraid you might give me a ticket for illegal parking.
Incidentally, just before Sue, Arthur and the kids left last night she asked me to find out if that thing in Viet Nam ever got resolved.
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