The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 848 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/31/07
I enjoyed the format you chose. The last paragraph is awesome, as is your writing!
06/01/07
This was terrific! Your descriptions were wonderful and the way it was constructed was creative! Good word usage - the only thing I might change is some spacing so it was easier to read but other than that - it is perfect:)
06/04/07
Wow! Bravo! This is well done! Very creative way to use the days that God gives us as an adventure itself. I just wanted to read more.:0)Nice touch with the adventurous poetry within the story format.!Great idea! I can see this as a story in a Christian magazine. God bless your gift. Janice
06/04/07
I love the poetry alternating with the prose - you are truly strong in both areas, Ben! Last paragraph is superb.
06/04/07
Very effective format! Love the poetry, and the way it intertwined with the prose. Excellent writing.
06/04/07
Thanks so much. What a great reminder for us all to move past fear, our own schedule and be free to invite adventure into our everyday life. Great job
06/04/07
I liked the switch from imagination to reality--both an adventure. The message comes through clearly.
06/04/07
Creative in every way. I enjoyed your merging of poetry and prose, past and present.
06/04/07
The mingling of prose and poetry is a great idea. I like your thoughts of the Chrisitan's day being adventurous to the soul, even if it seems ordinary to the body.
06/05/07
It's true, we cannot fathom what God may be doing behind the scenes of each day's adventure. I loved the parallels between the poem and the prose, as if the long-lost friend and the boy in the poem had a connection in being rescued. Your writing is something to relish. I especially love the well-chosen words in the poem.
06/05/07
The prose in this reads like the supplements that follow the scriputres in our Sunday School books. It's very well done, and I love the prose and poetry together.
06/06/07
I, too, very much enjoyed the interplay between poetry and prose. I'm thinking I really like that as a technique and hope you do more of it.

I noticed that your word choice during the prose part of the story actually lent it the air of an adventure, which could have been cheesy but to me, you totally pulled it off. Great job on putting a unique spin on the genre! :-)
Pat Guy  
06/06/07
The need of this young man shines through. As does the the willingness of this family to be available through acceptence.

The whole peice fit together so well - this is exceptional.

I so enjoyed reading this. Very, VERY good.
06/06/07
What an adventure into a life filled with God's direction. Very good story. Loved the poem.
06/06/07
The poem woven throughout was very creative, and my personal favorite! I enjoyed the character of Derrick and especially of the MC throughout the story. To be used so wonderfully by God, even though we may never know the true impact. What a great story.
06/06/07
Very nice. I love the poem. We should always view even simple thigs like reaching out to a friend as an adventure.
06/06/07
Nice Tapestry. Enjoyed it very much. Great talent. God bless.
06/06/07
Did you write that poetry? Loved that! You are definitely a seasoned poet. The story aspect was a little more choppy. I understand the full message you were sending about living each day to the fullest and not knowing what plans God has in every circumstance but to grab hold of them anyway. But, for me (and I'm only saying this because you said critiques were welcome!) the story part of it needed to be a bit more clear. Maybe just restructured a bit for an easier flow. Just a thought...your talent shines through, particularly, as mentioned above (and by several others!) with the poetry. Well done!
06/06/07
Is prose explaining a poet's heart - or is a poet leading prose down a road less travelled? Either way, this was an insightful read with God's talent obvious in both.
06/06/07
I loved this. I also appreciated the reminder that sometimes what seems like a simple thing in our life, is actually an adventure.
06/06/07
The poetry was impressive! Wow! I liked the format ... very high points on creativity. I did get just a little confused in the story part. I wasn't quite sure of the characters and had to read again to get the idea you wanted to get across. Hey, I know you're a poet, but you had the courage to try your hand at prose also!Kudos for that! Good job and I enjoyed the read.
06/08/07
You got me in straight away with the nuanced imagery of the first two line. Beautiful poetry. I've been trying to figure out why the prose isn't as successful. Here are some thoughts. 'Our assent was readily granted' is telling rather than showing and a bit stilted. A simple dialogue response seems more appropriate. Also dialogue tags like 'I offered' are obsolete as that is inferred in the diaglogue itself. One final thing did you mean 'my smiles' or my similies? Having said that you communicated the point of the piece clearly and with a light hand and I enjoyed the read. yeggy
06/09/07
I like your sense of adventure with God about those everyday moments that can also be very special. You might look at my "Surprise in the Woods" along these lines...Tom
06/09/07
Ben the poetry is beautiful! I think you did a great job, but I am more of a poet than a prose writer so of course I love the poetry part best! danette
10/10/07
Leaves the reader wondering if Dereck has come back from time to time, or even for good as a valued friend. This piece accomplishes what all great stories do: keep the reader's attention even AFTER the end.