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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the POETRY genre (05/17/07)

TITLE: Timeless Visions
By Pat Guy
05/23/07


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The rocker waited in
faded white
for the sweet little girl to
sashay by
in ruffles and lace
with bucket in hand to
play in the sand … the rocker waited.
But she no longer came.

This sweet little girl who’d swing on her tummy, and pick pretty weeds only for mommy.


The rocker weathered in
April showers
for the sweet young girl to
pirouette by
in purple and pink
with abandoned restrain to
dance in the rain … the rocker waited.
But she no longer came.

This sweet young girl who brightened the skies by the light of laughter in her eyes.


The rocker creaked in
timeless rhythm
for the lively young lady to
sprint on by
in ribbons and cleats
with ball in hand to
practice with dad … the rocker waited.
But she no longer came.

This lively young lady covered in clay, who gave sweaty hugs after a game.


The rocker cradled in
sweet repose
the lovely young woman in
winsome thought
of raindrops on cheeks,
castles in sand, of
practice with dad … the rocker cradled …

This lovely young woman pondering in rhythm on yesterday’s future and tomorrow’s vision.


And the Rocker … will be waiting.











©2007


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This article has been read 1117 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Betty Castleberry05/24/07
What a lovely trip through a child's life. You've covered a lot of territory in a few words. I love the symbolism of the rocker waiting on her.
This is very well done.
Cassie Memmer05/24/07
This is very sweet. It's a marvelous picture. I feel the longing of the rocking chair/the mother. Life is so bittersweet. Though I'm not schooled in poetry forms, I really like the way this is written. The change of the lines makes it even more interesting. Wonderful poem!
Janice Fitzpatrick05/24/07
Beautiful job! This flows and I love the symbolism, very sentimental and touching. God bless your talent! Keep it up hon.Janice
Leigh MacKelvey05/24/07
This reminded me a bit of The Giving Tree! Lots of poetic tools used in this poem and I, too, liked the change of lines, the repetion of the last verse line and the line breaks thst helped set the voice. Very good job!
Dixie Phillips 05/24/07
What a timeline..... Written with lots of feeling and insight. I enjoyed it very much.
Maxx .05/24/07
excellent, excellent. Loved the passage of time shown through the actions / activities of the girl. Very moving.
Laurie Glass05/25/07
Very nice. Your words painted pictures. :) The repetition is very effective. There's a nice rhythm here, though I might change some of the line breaks, but that could just be me. This is very sweet and well written. :)
Rhonda Clark 05/25/07
This is absolutely awesome. I'm glad you shared it with us.
Cherry Bieber05/25/07
This is an excellent example of why I Love poetry! This is excellent!
Henry Clemmons05/28/07
I enjoyed this. creative and visual.
Debbie OConnor05/28/07
Pretty images of a girl growing up. I love the rocker as a symbol. Very nice.
Jan Ackerson 05/28/07
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, and it choked me up more than a little. (That's a good thing). Oh my...
Dee Yoder 05/28/07
Any poem that has the empty nest as a theme chokes me up because as the mom of a teen "only" child, those days are not so far away now. The years pass swiftly; our blessings will move out and on to bless others. How we miss them! Your poem reminds me to enjoy the here and now.
Myrna Noyes05/29/07
Wonderfully creative piece with excellent descriptive words and flowing rhythm. Such a patient rocker, too! :) Great job!
Benjamin Graber05/29/07
Lovely poem; you did a wonderful job showing instead of telling.
Jacquelyn Horne05/29/07
Wonderfully nostalgic poem here. Good job.
Joanne Sher 05/30/07
Love the imagery of this, and how beautifully it flowed. Excellent stuff, my friend!
dub W05/30/07
Lots of symbols, good flow. An enjoyable read.
Patty Wysong05/30/07
What a wonderful walk through a girl's life! Beautiful.
Loren T. Lowery05/30/07
A bitter-sweet poem filled with symbolism taken from the heart itself. Can/does it get any better than this?
Enjoyed this very much.
Rita Garcia05/30/07
This flowed right smack into my heart -- love the image of the rocker waiting!
william price05/30/07
There's no crying in poetry! Oh, that's basbeball. Great job. God bless.
Beth LaBuff 07/08/08
The story/message in this is beautiful. I love the form you used.
Linda Watson Owen07/08/08
Oh, dear friend Pat, how did I ever miss this one?? It's truly beautiful. Yes, a real heart tugger written with the sound and power of true poetry! What a blessing you are!!
Catrina Bradley 07/08/08
Achingly beautiful.