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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the POETRY genre (05/17/07)

TITLE: With an Outstretched Hand--Non Conventional English Haiku
By Julie Arduini
05/18/07


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You beckon
With an outstretched hand
To new lands.

I shrink back
So faithless and scared
I just canít.

You donít move
Your love radiates
You are pure.

I shudder
I dare hesitate
Iím ashamed.

You know this
You keep loving me
Your hand remains.

My head drops
I hate being unsure
I fail You.

You are love
Your eyes penetrate
Your smile surrounds.

I wipe tears
I fall to the ground
I give up.

You chuckle
This is what You want
You know best.

I look up
I canít believe You
Iím in awe.

You kneel down
Your hand still beckons
Your smile remains.

My hand shakes
My mouth quivers so
I have hope.

You move close
I canít stop crying
We join hands.

I say help
You reply of course
We both stand.

You point out
I see what You want
We agree.

We take steps
We move together
We go on.

We talk some
We look on ahead
We will arrive.

You told me
Although I am dark
Iím lovely

Iím not scared
Iím not ashamed now
I have faith.

*Based on a Song of Solomon Bible Study paralleling our faith journey from fear and shame to faith and victory.


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This article has been read 941 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sara Harricharan 05/24/07
Wow! All I can say is that I'm blown away. This is absolutely amazing. And kind of heartbreaking. It's simple and very powerful. Excellent, excellent, beautiful writing! ^_^
Jacquelyn Horne05/25/07
Very good read. What a way to show our submitting to God's will.
Leigh MacKelvey05/25/07
Ahhh, this is soooo good! I love the Haiku and how interesting the techinique is. This ia haunting verse and the mood and voice are superb!
Benjamin Graber05/25/07
Lovely use of haiku; it fits beautifully with this poem.
One thought: do you think you might be able to incorporate more imagery into this poem some how?
Great job; keep up the good work!
Christine Dunn05/25/07
So simple, and yet so effective.
Joanne Sher 05/25/07
Lovely - I definitely like the structure and the wonderful message.
Rhonda Clark 05/25/07
Good job. Not sure I could do the structure. I'm in awe.
dub W05/28/07
Interesting poem using the Haiku structure, and you duely note that it is English in its form, therefore releasing the mandate for nature. Overall nicely presented.
Sharon Henderson05/29/07
Not a fan of Haiku :-(
...

Loved reading this! :-)
Loren T. Lowery05/30/07
A lot of thought went into this piece and it shows with the truth shining through - great job!
Rita Garcia05/30/07
WONDEFUL!! LOVE IT!
william price05/30/07
I really liked this. God bless.
Myrna Noyes05/30/07
Oh, I really like this! I have always enjoyed Haiku and wrote some many years ago, so I was very intrigued with your poem! The message here is simply awesome, and your style is lovely! I went back to read it again and pick my favorite stanza, but I had too many favorites! :D Great writing!
Bryan Coomes05/31/07
Kudos on taking a Haiku past the 150 word limit..lol
In all seriousness this was great as I do enjoy, and appreciate well-crafted Haiku as this.
Sara Harricharan 05/31/07
***Congrats! Julie!*** ^_^
Marty Wellington 05/31/07
Congratulations - a lovely piece and well-deserved win!
Myrna Noyes05/31/07
CONGRATULATIONS on your "Highly Commended"! :) This is a wonderful, touching poem!
Sheri Gordon05/31/07
Congratulations. This is very lovely, and so enjoyable to read. Great job.
Cheri Hardaway 07/21/07
Beautifully done! Congratulations! Consider yourself successfully stretched! Cheri