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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the SCIENCE FICTION genre (05/10/07)

TITLE: Prematurely Occupied
By Purity Snowe
05/16/07


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The sound, a cracking grinding moan, penetrated like
The dark reverberations of an evil, tainted heart.
I trembled, stumbling, as my knees failed,
Sickened by that unearthly wail.
Foreboding, a visible pall, consumed me.

I saw it then, a tearing, a fissure in the crust, but more
Then that, a rending, if you will, in the fabric of time and space.
And it split the ground, slicing near
Deliberate, relentless, hungry.
The unquenchable maw of death pursued me.

Ceaseless, wheels of slaughter ground, half concealed
In shadow splintering bone and tearing sinew in the bellowing depths.
Not the breaking of a single man, but rather
It was the vertebrae of all humanity that shattered.
Despondency and fatality debased me.

Behind sulfur plumes of ash and smoke, incarnate malevolence lingered, watching
Through defeated eyes. It searched me, my being, my very soul
Demanding, reclaiming, possessing
That which it had already won.
The price in a garden betrayed me.

And now I watch a fettered skeletal claw reach and grasp, lifting
The manifestation of doom. From a grave prematurely occupied it rises.
Seething lips curl, baring bloodied fangs.
Its dreadful skull heaves skyward and vile laughter thunders.
I cry with desperation. Hope saves me.


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This article has been read 732 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Joanne Sher 05/19/07
This is so visual it is almost tactile. Excellent.
Jan Ackerson 05/21/07
Wonderful word choices, an excellent example of free verse done right. Even though it's free, there is a rhythm and a flow to it.

Be careful of then / than in the 2nd stanza.

I absolutely love the last line--the timing is perfect; just when the reader (and the narrator) is at the peak of despair--hope.
Sara Harricharan 05/21/07
Very descriptive. Vivid imagery, etc. I think I missed the sci-fi point in it though, otherwise, it was pretty interesting to read.
T. F. Chezum05/21/07
Very vivid, well worded work.

Pat Guy 05/21/07
I love your work whether the topic is subtle or strong.

Beutifully deep and wonderfully visual.
Melanie Kerr 05/22/07
Wonderful imagery. Very rich in description.
Rita Garcia05/23/07
Very well written...I liked this alot!!
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/23/07
This is a poem to reread and to think about. The imagery is excellent and the ending superb.
Amy Michelle Wiley 05/23/07
A raw look at sin. I, too, missed the sci-fi, but the discriptions are veyr strong. Good job.
Benjamin Graber05/24/07
I think this is great! I really love the depth of description.
My only thought for critique is that the salvation of hope is so brief it feels a bit unreal; I would suggest adding more imagery on the side of hope.
Keep up the good work!