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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the SCIENCE FICTION genre (05/10/07)

TITLE: If They Only Knew!
By Pat Guy
05/15/07


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She had waited so long!

She begged, she pleaded, she pouted and shed her best tears … and now at last she had one of her very own! And it was here … now … in her own hands!

The MP – 12D … MultiPlanetaryDiscovery scope.

“M&M! Yoma and I finally get to see each other!”

Communication between their home planets was so nonexistent! It took weeks through router stations on three planets for their messages to get back and forth. Now, if they finagled some, they could at least see each other and fix up zoom chats. Who cared if it was primitive?

Rotations and times … rotation and times … that’s how they were going to be living from now on the rest of their lives!

They started out as LINKS and became fast friends even with no hope of ever visiting each other – it would take months of travel. Maybe when they got older it could happen. Maybe she could convince her parents to let her take time off between graduation and Life Search. Oh, I hope so!

Thoughts of seeing her friend raced through her mind as Shacia lugged the oblong box to her unit on the top level of FamComp. I’m so glad I have Starveiw!

Shacia got to work and didn’t stop until her mother refused to let up on her AccessPoint.

“What mom? I’m busy!”

Impatience was useless, “Down! Now young lady!”

“Mom! Just one more … I have to …”

“Now!” Click went the AP.

Shacia stomped to the food court with furrowed brows, bottom lip tucked in.

She spotted her parents and plopped down on the seat, “Mom, I’ve only got two days to get this ready! That’s when Yoma’s at the right rotation! Two days! It’ll be another two months, our time, before we can set this up again! Can’t I eat later?”

As her mother put down her drink they locked eyes. Shacia cringed knowing what was coming.

Slow and deliberate, her mother spoke, “Shacie, how about concentrating on the fact that you now have in your possession, a device that will enable you and your friend to physically see each other, in real time, instead of waiting on messages. Now eat.”

Shacia wasn’t impressed. Didn’t they KNOW? Didn’t they CARE? She sighed and gave in to the rumblings in her stomach.

“Just think Shacie,” her dad now tried to mollify her impatience, “three planets – eight months away, and you two will have real time visits every two months, for six hours straight!”

She was having none of it. She slumped her shoulders in perfect sign language as she ate.

It was the wrong thing for mom in any language, “Okay then Miss Shacia. How about if I put that MP – 12D up until the next time Yoma comes around?”

Her chin dropped, “Mommmmm … you wouldn’t!”

“Oh yes I would young lady. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.”

Shacia had a million good reasons but she knew her parents wouldn’t go for any of them. This called for another tried and true approach.

“Mom, really, I REALLY am thankful you and dad got it for me. Really.”

Her mom leaned back and folded her arms. Her dad put down his fork. Shacia felt weak from the possibility of having to wait … and it could happen.

She looked back and forth between her displeased parents. Mom! Please! Really! I’m sorry. Dad. I … I … please don’t. I’ve waited soooooo long.”

“So how would you feel if you had to wait until next time … if there IS a next time?”

A chill rippled through her body. Fear flashed through her heart. The possibility of her scope being taken away and not seeing Yoma made her aware … of something. She leaned back and looked down at her hands. She was itching to get back and finish putting the MP –12D together. But then it dawned on her … it really was here, and in two days she could …!

She sighed the kind of sigh only a mom and dad knew. The … “I got it.” sigh.

“Go on Shacie, finish up and then come tell us how you two are going to work this out.”

She bounced up and gave her parents the kind of hug that only a mom and dad can relish after a parental life lesson. The … “Thank you, I love you.” hug.

Shacie took off to her own little world.












Authors note. M&M is teenage space slang meaning: Major Magnitude! (The degree of brightness of a celestial body)




©2007


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This article has been read 1154 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shari Armstrong 05/17/07
Good family dynamics :) and they sounded authentic -good job!
Amy Michelle Wiley 05/19/07
Very on topic and cute. I think I missed a little something of the lesson she learned, but otherwise great job!
Betty Castleberry05/21/07
Hehe. Life Search...food court. This was charming. So typical of a teen, too. Well done.
Joanne Sher 05/21/07
Your voice is spot-on, and I love how you incorporated the technology so well into the story. A fun read.
Jan Ackerson 05/21/07
This would be great for a teen or pre-teen book concept. You're spot on with your authentic voices and situations.

Ordinarily I'd comment on exclamation point use, but they work here, because of the younger tone of the overall story.

This was a great fun read!
Jacquelyn Horne05/21/07
Teen of the future. How scary! Mom's beware. Good writing here.
Sandra Petersen 05/21/07
You mean teens won't be much different in the future, still very single-focused when the focus is on something they want very much?

I didn't completely understand why her mother and father were so upset with her. But I totally identified with Shacia's excitement. . .I have a teen of my own, after all.

Great job capturing those emotions.
Patty Wysong05/21/07
What a great imagination! You sure captured life with a teenager! --some things just never change, do they?
Sara Harricharan 05/21/07
neat! I thought this was pretty good. The dialouge was really good, especially the convo between her parents and her. I like the name and the title. It sounds like there's more to the story though...any chance of ever finishing it? ^_^ lol. Good job!
Pam Carlson-Hetland05/21/07
What a great story. I can't add much to what has already been said. The conversation and setting was perfect. And I love the idea of an intact family unit at some space-age time. Good job. Excellent writing.
T. F. Chezum05/21/07
Excellent writing. I really enjoyed the read.
william price05/21/07
I thought this was smart and intelligent. Very good and beyond interesting and creative. God bless.
Sally Hanan05/21/07
Considering your week...I'm pretty amazed you even managed to write something :)and this is probably a reflection of the attitudes going on in the house right now :)Very realistic, in spite of all of the futuristic gadgets. So what doe she do if Yoma turns out to be a total dweeb???
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/23/07
A very interesting story--just goes to show that no matter the change in technology, teen-agers' attitudes remain the same!
Rita Garcia05/23/07
This is sooo good! One of my favorites!
Brenda Welc05/23/07
Well done. I liked the "bounce" of this story. Well Written.
Myrna Noyes05/23/07
Cute and creative story with a nice smattering of "futuristic technology talk"! :) You don't say, but I am wondering if Yoma is a boy and there is a future romance here. I really enjoyed this well-written tale! :) Good job!