Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the HISTORICAL genre (05/03/07)

TITLE: The Liberty of Hope
By Lauren Bombardier
05/10/07


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

I watched as one by one, the tanks rumbled into the camp. Ehud stood next to me. "More stinking Germans." He spat on the ground and turned back toward the barracks.

I turned to follow him when I caught sight of something white on the side of the nearest tank. "Ehud!"

He stopped. "What?"

"Look." I pointed to the tank. "Stars. There's no swastika."

"So? Maybe the Nazis changed their insignia."

Jonah came to stand on my other side. He never spoke to anyone. If he tried to say anything, it came out garbled, and no one could understand him. The Nazis had cut out his tongue. The three of us stayed together as much as we could. I had met Ehud at the fifth camp I'd been to, and Jonah at the last one. Now we were all here at Dachau. We became brothers. We had no one else.

The top hatch flipped open with a resounding clang. By this time, other prisoners driven by curiosity lined the fence. We watched as a hand came up, then another, then the soldier lifted himself out in one motion. The other tanks had also stopped, and more soldiers came out of their metal shells.

I could hear another sound. I tilted my head. Jonah poked me, and I shushed him. He tugged on my shirt and pointed. I looked. Behind the tanks were more soldiers on foot. Infantry. "Who are they?"

"Americans." Rabbi Yoni answered. "See? That is the American flag." I stared at the rectangular cloth flapping in the wind. Red and white stripes alternating, and white stars in a field of blue.

"But why are they here?" asked Ehud. Jonah nodded, and all of us turned back to the soldiers.

More prisoners had gathered until I was afraid I would be crushed against the fence. The German commandant stood in front of his quarters in full dress uniform. I saw one of the American soldiers walk up to him. They spoke a moment, and then the German led the American into his quarters.

They stayed in there a long time. The other American soldiers stood by their tanks or in formation as they waited for their commander. Many prisoners soon lost interest, and went back to work. Ehud, Jonah, and I stayed at the fence. For once, the guards didn't seem to care that we weren't working, and we took advantage of it.

Finally, the two commanders stepped out of the building. The German nodded once to the American, then turned and walked to one of the vehicles parked near the building. One of the guards stepped to the driver's door, but the commandant shook his head. He took the keys from the guard, sat in the driver's seat, and drove away. He didn't look back.

The American commander called one of his soldiers over and spoke to him. That soldier spoke to several more, and soon the loudspeakers blared out in German, "Please assemble for an announcement." The message repeated many times, until most of the prisoners stood in the area in front of the barracks.

The American commander stood on a box in front of us, an SS guard beside him, translating. "I have an announcement to make. Hitler is dead." The SS guard seemed to pale as he translated. "The Nazis have surrendered this camp to the United States of America. You are no longer prisoners. You are no longer slaves. You are free."

No one said a word. No one believed him.

Then I heard a single voice. "Yaaahhhh!"

Jonah stood beside me, fist in the air, yelling as loud as he could. Ehud joined in. Others around us started yelling, and then everyone was yelling. The American stood in front of us, weeping. Such sorrow on his face, but there was also hope. I had lost all hope before arriving at this camp, yet here I saw it again. I had only existed one day at a time, yet I saw the future in this American. Suddenly, I knew. I knew I would live. I knew there was hope. I began to smile. I raised my fist, and yelled my hope and freedom.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 688 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Julie Arduini05/11/07
I love that Jonah was the first to yell. I also found it symbolic when they were announced they were no longer slaves but free, no one could believe. How true that is for us as Christians too. This was solid writing with great dialogue. Great work!
Benjamin Graber05/11/07
Hooray! This made me want to cheer, too. Well done!
Alfreda Byars05/11/07
Excellent, excellent writing. For a moment I felt as if I was right there in the camp, and I felt the excitement of freedom.
Christine Dunn05/12/07
That must have been wonderful, almost unbelievable news for these prisoners. Very well written.
Kaylee Blake 05/12/07
Oh, I could feel everyone's excitement. I loved the dramatic pause and then that Jonah, the one with no tongue, was the one to break the silence! I'm wondering if this was researched though. I didn't think that the surrender of concentration camps was so peacful.
dub W05/13/07
Powerful. I have read this story many times and come away with the same conclusion - it's too bad you only had limited space to tell this story.
Cassie Memmer05/14/07
What a blessing to once again know hope. This is good, tight writing. Written so that the reader is placed right in the midst of the setting. Yeah for Jonah! Excellent ending!
Sandra Petersen 05/14/07
This is a striking piece, and if I remember correctly Dachau was one of the ugliest of the concentration camps. What a sad thought: when faced with their obvious freedom, the prisoners could not dare to hope.

I would have liked a little more description of your MC(s), but I know there is only so much you can do with 750 words. Your story line flowed well, though. Very good job!
Shari Armstrong 05/14/07
Well done -and it's a shame more couldn't have been saved. Good details and a reminder even in the darkest times, there is always hope.
Joanne Sher 05/14/07
Excellent detail and emotion. This felt extremely authentic. Wonderfully done.
Jan Ackerson 05/14/07
Oh my, when Jacob yelled, I got goosebumps. Extremely powerful.
Patty Wysong05/14/07
Soooo good!! I had goose-bumps. I'd love to read the expanded version. The picture of the weeping American and the hope his hope gave...wonderful!! :-)
Rita Garcia05/14/07
STANDING-OVATION! Wonderful, fantastic and perfectly written!
Betty Castleberry05/14/07
I'm speechless. This is the best version of this I have heard...or read. You made it so personal. Excellent.
Jacquelyn Horne05/14/07
Heartwarming. I'm sure this war was a terrible experience. You captured the story well.
Mariane Holbrook05/14/07
Tremendous! I'm so glad I got to read this !!! Very, very well done. Kudos!
Mariane Holbrook05/14/07
Tremendous! I'm so glad I got to read this !!! Very, very well done. Kudos!
Kate Grey05/14/07
Bravo. Quite moving.
terri tiffany05/15/07
Excellent!! Choked me up and when you can do that -- I love it! I could picture everything - great final paragraph!! Best I've read so far:)
Rhonda Clark 05/15/07
Well done. Such an important time in history, and you portrayed it beautifully.
T. F. Chezum05/16/07
Very well written. Excellent job.
Sara Harricharan 05/16/07
So incredibly vivid! I am inspired by this and encourage with the note and description of freedom in the end. An yay for Jonah! He was the first one to claim his freedom. ^_^
Jeffrey Snell05/16/07
You gave me chills. Great job creating the mood of disinterest and disillusionment. An outstanding story!