The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/12/07
I love to hear a bit of personal history like this. Your father cetainly did leave a legacy in his own quiet way, especially through his practical skills, and his prayers.
05/14/07
What a lovely tribute. I haven't seen the film yet, but from all reports, it is great stuff.

One little suggestion, too hard to follow up on in this comment section, but you could tighten this up a bit. It gets a little repetitious in spots which takes away from the impact a bit.

Nevertheless, you've got a good one going here.
Your opening paragraph was brilliant! I thought it was written beautifully and set the tone for the story.
I will second the above suggestion for improvement. I got a little lost in the repetition of the construction of the building, foundations, ect. I think you can say it once and that would definitely tighten up the story. Again, very well written opening and a wonderful idea for a story.