The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/12/07
I enjoyed the sharp, short phrases which gave a clear picture of the MC in your poem, and the abuse he had experienced. Some very good descriptions.

I'm certainly not an expert in poetry, so perhaps I'm wrong - but I felt that the poem could have been broken up a little, perhaps into two or three verses, to make it a bit easier to read.
05/14/07
Gripping. Descriptive. So sad. You accomplished what you set out to do. The injustice of it makes me want to scream. well done.
Encore! More! This is what I call Faith Writing. Thanks for taking on a very dark time in history and ripping the reader back there in 5 words or less.
05/14/07
Haunting - such stark imagery and truth here.
05/14/07
Beautiful poem, the breakless structure works, the ending is heartbreaking--really, really excellent.

"It's" always means "it is." There were two instances where I think you wanted "its" without an apostrophe. Sorry about the nitpick.

This is an exemplar of free verse poetry!
05/16/07
WOW! You evoked such strong emotions! Perfect in every way!
Very poignant. Very on target.