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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write in the HISTORICAL genre (05/03/07)

TITLE: Battlefield Memoirs
By Myrna Noyes
05/09/07


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I’m an old man now and beg the indulgence of a few moments of your time. See the scars on my left arm? They tell the story of an event that changed my life forever—both physically and emotionally. Pull up a chair, won’t you? I want someone to remember this after I’m gone.

On that long-ago day, the blazing gun, pointed in my direction, hit its mark. The ball tore my flesh, entering just above my left wrist. It quickly left a trail of damage, severing chords and muscles, breaking and splintering bone, before exiting near my elbow. The pain didn’t even have time to register, when another blinding explosion shot from the enemy’s battery. Before I could move in my tracks, I was struck hard in the right shoulder by a flying shell fragment. Fortunately, I had my blanket roll on my shoulder, and the shell didn’t break the skin. However, the impact doubled me up like a jackknife and knocked me unconscious to the ground.

Men, wearing both blue and gray, fell all around me this first day of the bloody Battle of Chickamauga, Georgia. It was Sept. 19, 1863, and I was a weary and worn private in the Union Army. Nobody really wanted to fight in this densely wooded area beside Chickamauga Creek, but since this is where our two opposing sides met, we squared off against each other. Visibility was limited by the under-and over-growth, and the generals had little control over their men. Cannons were useless except in the occasional field that broke the heavy forest, and orderly battle lines simply couldn’t exist. Fighting was often hand-to-hand, and tactical decisions had to be made by us soldiers rather than by our generals, who faced a strategic nightmare. The combat advantage seesawed back and forth throughout the desperate day with first the superior Confederate force mounting a fierce assault and then our smaller Union one valiantly counterattacking. We were parched with thirst, hollow with hunger, and well-nigh exhausted but kept our spirits up, being confident of ultimate victory.

Then came the gunshot to my forearm and the shell blow to my shoulder. After I came to, I realized with horror that I was lying in a pool of red. An artery in my arm was cut, and I was losing a great deal of blood. My lower back hurt, and I’m not sure if it resulted from being hit or from doubling up and collapsing. Nightfall neared, and the fighting was slacking, so I hoped someone would find me soon. I lapsed in and out of awareness, at times thinking of my four year-old son being cared for by relatives in Illinois. His mother, my beloved Rachel Ann, had died when Charlie was yet a baby, and my heart still grieved for her. Now, I wondered if my little boy would be left an orphan, and I despaired at that.

A light, cold rain began falling, and I was unable to cover myself. I worried whether help would come. The groans of the wounded and dying of both sides competed with the sounds of our men felling trees and chopping brush to construct breastworks to slow the Rebels when the attack commenced again in the morning. Moonlight sifted through the trees, providing faint illumination upon the gruesome scene below. Flickering tapers moved about the battlefield, carried by shadowy nurses and relief corps members, searching for those who could still accept their ministrations.

Toward dawn I stirred at the sound of footsteps, hoping aid had arrived. It had not. Instead, a couple Confederates lifted me onto a litter, carting me back behind their lines as a prisoner, along with several others. I suffered temporary blindness, probably caused by my profuse bleeding, so could see nothing of my new surroundings. The “graycoats” offered me no medical assistance, but my comrade Levi, also wounded, managed to clumsily bind my arm on a piece of board he found. I couldn’t lie down on account of pain in my breast, so had to half sit up. The shoulder the shell hit became sore, swollen, and bruised, but it was actually a minor wound.

After sixteen days the Rebels thought my injury fatal due to blood loss and that death was imminent. They offered me in exchange for one of their own captive soldiers, and that was agreed to. I didn’t die.

Thanks for listening to my story. It’s good to recall those bygone times. Please, don’t forget them…or me.



************
In tribute to my great-great grandfather, Elijah N. Gallaway


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Member Comments
Member Date
Loren T. Lowery 05/10/07
I think we are so fortunate to have these kind of actual memoirs and have people like yourself able to bring them to life through your writing.

There was a lot to digest and 750 words seems too small a frame for reporting even just the sigficant things, but you've seemed to have done it well.

My only suggestion would be for dialogue to help "spike" the action, but not sure how that could have been done considering the avenue you chose for your MC. However, I don't think what he went though or he, himself, will ever be forgotten. Good job!
Pamela Kliewer05/10/07
Well done. You really brought this to life.
Christine Dunn05/11/07
It's lovely to use the memoirs of your grandfather in this way, so that they will not be forgotten. He sounds like a very interesting character.

The story was very informative and well written. I think I agree with Nathan, however. Perhaps a little dialogue in some form would have broken up the long narrative.
Cathy Kane05/11/07
Fascinating. I like the first person narrative. It provides color and depth and a real sense of authenticity. I could feel the pain of those wounds and the misery of his condition.

I could just picture this ancestor of yours at a Civil War reunion telling his story to friends and former foes. Truly God's hand was on this man. Many others did not survive the infection that resulted from their battle injuries.

Thanks for sharing this inspiring piece of family history. I will never forget this story!
Leigh MacKelvey05/11/07
You certainly used your 750 words well! I still can't figure out how to tell a whole story in within the limit! You did a wonderful job. I, too, liked the narrative. it was as if I was reading his memoirs right from his diary. Great writing!
dub W05/11/07
Loved the 1st. person, really put the reader in the room with the old man and made the stories come alive. Well done.
Michael Aubrecht05/14/07
This was an excellent piece. I enjoyed the first person narrative and the historical information that was provided helped to reinforce the story. I too would have liked to see some dialogue (especially between the blue and gray), but as one who lives in this genre, it was a very well written and composed piece. I could envision this becoming a much longer story with a little more detail and dialogue. My ONLY suggestion would be to use more "period-speak" as you are writing in the first-person. A soldier from this era would use more of a 19th-century dialect and maybe even some "slang" terminology. That would add a little more credibility to an otherwise stellar piece of writing. Very-very well-done.
Jan Ackerson 05/14/07
I like the framework of narrating this story to an interested listener...nice touch.

It seems as if some of his language has too many modern idioms, something not too difficult to fix.

A well-told tale; thank you!
Dennis Fletcher05/14/07
Awesome take on the history lesson. I would have loved to have known what happened afterwords, but it was a great tale.
Joanne Sher 05/15/07
What a neat story to have in your history, Myrna! I love the conversational tone in the very beginning and end of this - I might have tried to carry it through the entire piece, along with, as Michael A. suggested, some period "slang," perhaps. But this was quite fascinating!
Sara Harricharan 05/17/07
I think you outdid yourself ^_^. This is very good, no wonder it got a highly commended. Awesome writing!


   
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