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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Write an INSPIRATIONAL or DEVOTIONAL piece (04/26/07)

TITLE: Eternity's Night
By David Ian
05/01/07


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Coiled on a cot Ďneath
The nightís dark blanket
While Eternity bids for
Your soul

Itís a night for Betrayal
And youíre center stage
All the players have scattered
Like stones

Thereís no pointing the finger
Youíre thick in the blame
No one knows this better
Than you

And didnít He tell you
A short time ago
Though you refused His prophetic
Portend

And now here you lie
Two days have gone by
Since that time every word has
Come true

That night by the fire
In confusion and fear
And a woman that would not
Relent

ďI donít know him,Ē you cried
Somehow you believed it
Though you spent three years as
His friend

And again and again
You said for good measure
To make sure there was no doubt or
Mistake

The look in His eye
As he passed on by
And the crowing that sealed
Your fate

What you would trade
To play that night over
Is not up for sale or
Auction

You could go the way
Of that miserable Coward
And dangle your grief with
A rope

But how could you face
Those Eyes once again
With death on your hands
Self-stained?

The blood on His face
And his hands and his feet
You couldnít bear to defile with
Your own

Itís a guilt with no end
That tortures the soul
And heaven is holding
A grudge

Your spirit is wracked with
Guilt and with shame
Even Judas had coins he
Could throw

So where do you go
And what do you do
Once youíve denied the Master
Of all?

Thereís no going back
Undoing the damage
Youíre sins are sealed
In a tomb

You slapped God in the face
What more could you do
To fuel your shame
Forever?

You felt really brave
When you flashed out a sword
But you failed the test when
It counted

And Romeís cracking down
On religious pretenders
The streets they arenít safe
Any more

The Temple is filled with
Traitors and squealers
Theyíve thrown in their lot with
Caesar

So you hide in the dark
With the night as your Judge
Never hoping to again see
The Son

And you tremble in fits
Your body in shakes
As your soul cries out from
Its wrong

Now the sun cracks the sky
Into interminable day
You recoil from facing
The Light

And the girls shriek below
With some gossip or news
They live in their tiny
Small world

Theyíll never grasp
They canít possibly know
About matters sublime and
Eternal

You canít face your friends
Their silent accusing
Is mixed with their demons
Of guilt

But a day like another
Plain and mundane
Awaits like a lingering
Dirge

You reluctantly rise
Though your conscience protests
Youíre not welcome to walk on
This earth

The women keep shouting
Though youíve got bigger problems
Better see what the noise
Is about

And so on you trudge
Stumbling a shuffle
To oblivion that once was
Your life

Whatís in store that awaits
You can hardly surmise
But maybe youíll forget for a
Moment

Something thatís nagging
At the back of your mind
Some words or a story
He said

But it matters not now
It was all just a dream
And you pray that today it
Will end

And the end of all endings
Or the beginning of all
What difference is a day
To forever?

Or forever to a day
When Eternityís gone
And buried in the cold
Dark ground?

But the women shout louder
Better give them a hush
And start your Forever
This day


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This article has been read 685 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Emily Gillilan05/07/07
I really like your title. Some of your stanzas were so errie I almost had chills on my spin; you caught the tone very well. There was some confusion for me thoughout; it was hard, sometimes, to tell where you were in the story. In editing, I'd work on your word placement so that words in each stanza just ring through, and clarity of the plot. Really good message about not putting eternity off! Thanks!
Julie Arduini05/07/07
This was a really good message. I recently heard a sermon called "Afterwards Jesus" based on how ashamed the apostles felt once He was resurrected, most of all Peter, but Christ gave in love, not as they deserved. This read much the same way and is a new favorite story of mine. This ran a little long for me but it's late and I'm tired, I think it's a reflection on me, not you! Excellent job!
Jan Ackerson 05/08/07
As I was reading this, I was thinking, how's he going to give it a great ending--we all know how Peter's story ends...but you absolutely gave me goose bumps with those last few stanzas. Very, very good. I like the rhythm of this piece, too, with the two syllable ka-thump at the end of each stanza.
Terry R A Eissfeldt 05/08/07
I always read poetry out loud and this started out sounding like Robert Service - The Shooting of Dan McGrew or The Spell of the Yukon- but the pattern didn't stick - however I loved the feel of the words as they came off my tongue and the discriptive quality of your writing - it left a vivid atmosphere in my room.
Amy Michelle Wiley 05/08/07
Wow, gave me the chills.
Joanne Sher 05/09/07
Chilling and atmospheric. Wonderfully done - you told this familiar story in a fresh, eye-opening way. I was definitely blessed!