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I am a stone. The Lord has shown me my heart today. I may look like a rounded stone, reading the proper writers, and mixing with the right people. I can be a smooth stone, with polished words and crafted phrases belying the coldness of my hardened soul. In dutifully humble shades of gray, my surface conceals a heavy core of self righteous pride. That is what God has shown me today.
As a writer, I have approached him on my terms, asking him for words to share. I have come within the parameters of deadlines and contracts, word counts and topics. And he has shown me that I am a stone.
He reminds me of who he is, and of what I am, and it has left me with nothing to say. I remember that he created water, but for me he said “I thirst”. I consider that he orchestrated the orbits of the universe, but for me he was willing to be led, blindfolded into pain. I recall that accusing crowds said he was a man, claiming to be God. But the opposite is true. He is God and became a man, for me. He created light, but was abandoned in darkness for me. He died, and rose, to bring me life. And I am a stone. It breaks my heart.
But, slowly a glimmer of joy is born in that brokenness. With gentle patience and unfailing grace he leads me his words in Luke 19:40. “…If these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out.” From a heart of stone, with the power of his love, he is able to ignite a fire of worship. And I am a stone.
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