I can’t do this. I can’t believe I’m actually standing on her porch. I’ll just ease the brass knocker back down on the strike plate real slow.
My hands are shaking. I haven’t felt this nervous and giddy in... fifteen years.
What if she laughs? What if she slams the door in my face? What if she just smiles and says sorry she’s busy? Or worse, what if she says no because she’s still interested in my brother?
My heart slips off my cuff and onto the steps as I turn to leave.
The heavy car door clanks shut as quietly as a big clunker can.
“God, if ever I needed courage and direction it’s now.”
I’m sure she knows all about me by now, including my three kids and recent divorce. And, since my daughter Jessica goes to high school with her daughter- Jessica- she probably knows what a basket case I was throughout thirteen months of unwanted separation.
“God, you know how I fought for my marriage, and stayed true to you through the most awful time of my life. You also know how lonely I have been for a companion. If this is your will give me strength, Lord. Give me a sign.”
What made me think a lady like her would be interested in me anyway? I’ve seen her and she is gorgeous. I’m talking runway model gorgeous. Not that I’m exactly Weird Al, but I’m no Cary Grant either.
The curtains moved. What if she’s not alone? I hadn’t thought of that. I only see her car in the drive, though.
When my cousin wanted to introduce me to a Christian friend who moved to our little town a couple of years ago, my divorce was not yet final and I intended to wait until the gavel fell before even considering a new relationship. Two weeks later a friend of my brother introduced him to this same woman.
How’s that for coincidence?
But now my cousin says it is over between them and my daughter confirms it via her daughter. So when I asked my brother he confirmed it and he has another girlfriend already.
The porch light just went out.
This was a stupid idea. I’m just going to go home and... Oh great. Not even a click. I knew I should have bought a new battery, but... Now I have to disturb her to call for help or walk home. And leave my car in her driveway? No way. I could go to the house next door. Any choice I make now she’s going to think I’m an idiot.
“Ok God, here goes.”
I can do this, I can...
The knocker slips out of my sweating hand with a loud clack.
The light comes back on. My pulse doubles.
The door opens. My heart jumps to my throat.
She’s smiling. She’s so beautiful.
“Hi. Come in. I’ve been wondering just how long you were going to take.”
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